Disney Vacation Booked!

My vacation is officially booked.  I can't wait for May to hurry up and get here so I can go to Disney already!  It's going to be a lot of fun.  I can tell already!

Funny vacation planning story.  So I was going to book it a few times, but I wanted Rudy to look everything over.  If I made a mistake somehow, I didn't want to be blamed.  Not that Rudy would blame me for something like that.  But his parents might.  So I wanted to cover my bases.  We have really bad luck with stuff like this.  So I went over everything before I clicked "Make a Reservation" and then again before I clicked "Confirm".  He approved everything and we made a few decisions together.  Booked the trip, end of story right?

Turns out we booked over Mother's Day weekend.  Whoops!  What a disaster...  So first thing the next day Rudy had to call up the nice Disney people and ask them to switch some things around.  What a great way to start a vacation!  Thank goodness he called when he did.  He called before the airport got our reservations from Disney.  They hadn't processed it yet.  So we didn't have to pay a change fee, just a difference in flight prices, which wasn't that much.  So now we're booked for the right week.  I'll miss my parents anniversary, but I don't think they care about that.  Mother's Day was way more important!

So we're going.  And it will be amazing.  And I bought insurance just in case... I feel like such a responsible adult now... That is, a responsible adult going to a children's theme park.  Hehe!

Vacation Recap

I need a vacation from my vacation!  I got a lot accomplished, but not nearly enough.  I did however watch lots of TV.  While a part of me thinks "What a waste of a week" another part of me is happy I got to relax.  I saw lots of friends, loads of family, and had a great time overall.  I even took a trip to Connecticut to see Rudy which is a coin toss.  This time it was a fantastic visit, even though the air mattress I was sleeping on got a hole in it so I woke up in the middle of my last night on the floor.  Oh well!

Rudy and I made a game time decision and decided not to go to Times Square.  Instead, we sat around watching TV and movies all day in our PJs.  I can now say I've seen three of the four Die Hard movies (Live Free or Die Hard is still on my list).  Thanks to a new Netflix account I now have a way of slowly getting through my list of movies.  We also discovered Storage Wars.  It's pretty epic.  Though I do think it would be weird to go through someone else's stuff like that after buying a storage locker.  I can't get over it.  If you have something of major value in your storage locker and you were falling behind in your payments, why wouldn't you sell something to come up with the money to pay for it?  I've only seen a few episodes but one locker contained items estimated at $90,000.  That's a lot of money!

My friends and I had some great times too.  We went out a few times and hung out like we used to before we all had jobs.  What a nice life we all had back then!  One of my friends got great news this break too.  She not only got the job she applied for (how exciting!) but her boyfriend passed a major test and is able to move forward with his career.  So it was a good vacation for her.  My other friend started a new job after two years of searching.  While it's hard to be the new girl, she's adjusting well and finally doing what she went to school for.  So it was fantastic to see her and hear all about it.

We had a bunch of family parties this break too.  I saw the majority of my cousins (which is no small task as I have 27 of them...), aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  Next weekend I have another family party as three of my cousins will be playing in the same high school hockey game (on different teams no less!).  So there's been loads of extended family time.  Which is fun.  I'm sure after next weekend though I'll need a break!

Back to work and back to normal life I guess.  Did everyone have a great holiday season?

2011: A Year In Review

Looking back on the year 2011, it was a big year.  It was filled with hidden joys, big challenges, and several life changing events.

In the month of January, I started blogging.  It was something that I wanted to try for a long time but it wasn't until January that I took that plunge.  This was also the month when I reached out to my first mother to try to start over, and was then ignored.  And I started my last semester of college.  We can't forget that one!

In February, I planned my first face to face.  I put together a book with all my emails and everything I knew about my first parents.

March was a fun month and a life changing one.  At the beginning of the month, I met my first father for the first time.  It was the first time I've met someone I'm biologically related to.  It was the first time I saw myself reflected in someone else.  Talk about unsettling!  As if that wasn't enough, my mom and I went on vacation together to Punta Cana.  We had the best time and I know it's something that I'm always going to look back on and smile.  What a busy month!

April was hard.  For starters, my sister and I got into a huge fight.  She wasn't supportive of me meeting my first father and was hurt that I hadn't told her sooner.  Then life changed completely when we learned that my mother had another brain tumor, only this time looked different from her last time.  I moved home the last week of the month.

May got harder.  My mother had four brain surgeries in three weeks.  She was diagnosed with brain cancer and her tumor was deemed inoperable.  I met my first father again, and this time went a little better.  We actually relaxed and had fun hanging out.  And then I graduated college with my bachelor and masters degrees, an event that my parents watched on a laptop in the ICU back in Boston.

June rolled around and my mom started her chemotherapy and radiation.  My life became all about my mother as I tried to adjust to living at home.  Lost Daughters started.  I saw Taylor Swift with my cousin, a girl who is like a sister to me.

July saw the end of radiation for my mom and a break in chemotherapy.  I got a job offer which I accepted and my mom and I went on vacation for a week on Cape Cod.  It was my last month of freedom before starting my job.  My first father started texting me, something that we hadn't really done before.

August started with my job.  Literally, my first day was August 1st.  It was a huge adjustment for me.  My first father started a short trend of sending me videos from his new phone.  Various summer fun was had by me and my boyfriend on the weekends.  August was anything but a lazy summer.

September rolled around and I got a new computer and a new phone in the same week.  I settled into work and my boyfriend started his job (so started spending less time with me).  I jumped on Twitter and tried to improve my blog.  I decided to be more open in my life about my reunion and stop treating it like a huge secret.

October brought more changes.  I started my Picture Sunday postings.  My attempt to be more open blew up in my face.  Steve Jobs died, and the Internet blew up with adoption stories.  My mother spent another week in the hospital.  My first father came up to visit me on my birthday and told me that he was thinking about telling my first sisters about me.

November was hard.  My first father told me he wasn't ready to tell my first sisters, which I was OK with because of the other insanity going on in my life.  I bought a new camera.  My cousin got married and my entire adoptive family got together to celebrate.  I had my high school reunion.  I nearly moved out of my house.  I sent my first father a text message that was spotted by my older kept sister.

December brought more changes.  My first father ended our reunion, except for an occasional email.  He changed his mind a week later after talking to my first mother who stood up for me.  I opted not to continue with reunion under his new rules, but to get back in touch in the new year.  I prepared for Christmas by myself.  The year came to a close.

What a year...  It feels like January was a lifetime ago!

Disney Planning

Things have been a little bit hectic this past year.  There were a lot of changes in my life, a lot of challenges I never thought I'd have to face, and a lot of hurdles that I'm still trying to get past.  Life threw up some serious road blocks!  Some of those challenges are ongoing, but I find that the best way to deal with a dark time is to plan for the future.  So planning for the future I'm going to do!

When I was five, my family took a vacation to Disney World.  I was in my element!  As a Cinderella OBSESSED little girl, seeing the castle, just like it looked in the movie, was a dream come true.  I hate the movie Dumbo, but I loved the ride.  I had seen so many TV shows with the Dumbo ride, my friends had all been on it, and I just had to ride it.  So that was another dream come true after waiting for over an hour in line. It was a magical vacation, for me anyway.  However, we went during April Vacation week and the park was packed!  Plus our travel group consisted of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  And traveling with fourteen people isn't the most relaxing way to have a vacation.  Thus, at the end of the trip the Grinch declared he was never going back.  We begged.  We pleaded.  It didn't matter; we never went back.

Rudy and I decided that we are going to go away on vacation this spring.  In the past we've gone away to a tropical island (my idea of a fantastic vacation) but Rudy asked to do something a bit more exciting this year.  He's been all over the country and seen almost everything there is to see while I've barely left New England.  We tossed around a few ideas and when I tentatively suggested maybe Disney would be fun, Rudy was so excited we realized we had to go.  Why was Rudy, the person who's been there a large number of times, so excited to go?  Because he knew that I'm essentially like a first-timer.  I don't remember anything other than the Dumbo ride and "It's a Small World".  So going with me is like seeing the magic again for the first time.  I.  Can't.  Wait.

So I'm planning our vacation now.  I've been told to plan six months in advance, so I'm going to do my best to plan it all out now.  I have the time, so I'm looking into the best deals, figuring out where to stay, and trying to get a good price on flights.  I've been doing research into what week to go, and where to stay.  Rudy had one place to cross off the list.  He's stayed at that hotel three times.  The first time, his brother got the flu for the whole week (the flu while at Disney?  What a nightmare!).  The second time Rudy broke his hand (his brother was involved that time too... hmmm).  And the third time, after being there for one day they got the call that Rudy's grandfather had died and they had to fly home.

We also made a list of all the things that we really wanted to do.  We can't do all the parks in one week, so we're going to have to spend our time wisely.  Because I've never done a lot of the rides (five was too young for thrilling rides) I made a list and Rudy and I broke them down into parks.  Plus we both really want to do the Harry Potter theme park (that's a first for both of us!).  I'm so excited!

I feel like a little kid again!  Wish me luck in my planning adventures!

Boy Drama

So Rudy and I had a rough month.  The distance thing is awful.  We never planned on spending this much time away from each other after graduation.  We figured we'd have more freedom when we weren't tied down to getting our degrees.  We both stayed at school for an extra year for our masters and graduated at the same time.  We're both finished with our education unless I decide to go back someday (unlikely).  I was going to try to stay there for a year while he worked toward his CPA licence.  Then we were going to move together up near my family.  God's cracking up at our plans right now!  A pesky brain tumor wormed its way into the best laid plans and boom!  I'm home taking care of my sick mommy and Rudy's stuck in another state trying to get his licence and working for a company I'm starting to view as the Evil Empire.

Long distance relationships are hard.  They aren't for the weak.  You have to trust the other person 100% in order for it to work.  I had a friend point out once that Rudy could be doing whatever he wanted because I'd have no way of knowing.  A) My boyfriend isn't like that and B) I'd know.  That's the benefit of having loads of friends down there.  One of them would slip.  Something would come out.  And Rudy's either at work, talking to me on the phone, or with his family.  And we see each other nearly every weekend.  So in that sense I do trust him 100%.  You also have to know when it's going to be over.  You have to have a time in mind when you aren't going to be long distance and you're going to start being in a "normal" relationship.  Long distance isn't a permanent thing, at least not in my mind.  It's temporary.  So you have to have a rough idea as to when.  Rudy and I are having issues with that.  His job makes it nearly impossible for him to move, or have an idea as to when he's going to move.  He can either quit his job in a year and risk not being hired by someone else (he'd be short his licence) or he can wait it out a lot longer than we had planned and move up here in two years.  Two years, after already being apart for a half of a year, is a lot longer than we thought.  I can't move.  It's not an option with my mom being the way that she is.  So we're at a standstill.  I'm not 100% sure of how things are going to work out.

At the same time, I know that he's the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.  We've been together coming up on five and a half years.  I know him backwards and forwards.  I can tell when he's annoyed with me.  I can tell when he's trying not to laugh and failing.  I can tell when he's sad.  I can tell when he's thrilled.  I can tell when he's frustrated at the situation too.  These are all things I can pick up over the phone.  I've gotten so good at reading him because that's our major form of communication.  I know him backward and forward and I know who he is.  I know the essential parts of Rudy.  He's my other half.  He's my best friend.  He's the person first think of in the morning, and the last person I think of as I'm falling asleep.

So we're starting to plan for our future together.  Because if we don't, I'm going to lose my mind.  First step, plan a vacation for next year.  After all our time apart, we need some time together just the two of us.  I can't wait!

Picture Sunday: Week 4

This week, I used the same picture but applied different filters.  Each filter gives the picture a completely different feel and tone.  I have fun deciding which filter I like the best, which changes with each picture.  It's kind of cool to see all the different options!  Naturally I used a picture I took at the beach :-)  I know I know, enough already.  I'm trying to get more creative, I promise!  No beach pictures next week!

The first picture is the "Normal" picture so you can see how each Filter changed the picture.  Isn't it cool how every picture has a different feel and tone to it?  I like how the "Kevin" filter is so warm.  I can nearly feel the sun from that picture.  At the same time, I feel a chill from the "Brannan" filter.  The colors pop in the "Lomo-Fi" filter, which is probably why I like it so much, but then again there is a certain elegance to the washed out "Rise" filter.  What's your favorite?

This is the "Normal" Picture

This is the "Lomo-Fi" Filter

Here we have the "Kevin" Filter

"Brannan" Filter

This is using the "Rise" Filter

These pictures are mine.  I took them, I edited them, and they are my property.  Please do not reuse them without my express permission.  Thank you.

Picture Sunday: Week 3

To continue with our picture Sunday, the following have been taken over the last four years at various places.  It was a nice blast from the past hehe!  Anyway, I like playing around with the different filters.  I might do a post with the same picture just with different filters.  I'll have to take a really good picture though before I attempt that.  Each filter gives the picture a different feel and a different tone.  It's fun to play around with!

In Boston

Fort Hill

Sunset in Provincetown

Newport, RI

These pictures are mine.  I took them, I edited them, and they are my property.  Please do not reuse them without my express permission.  Thank you.

Anniversary

I feel like writing fluff today.  Sometimes you just have to write some fluff.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years as of two days ago.  It's a pretty big milestone.  I've now spent five years of my life attached to this person, someone who I'm not legally or genetically related to.  

I met him my first week of college.  I'd never dated anyone before.  I had a few guys I was friends with and one guy I thought maybe something would happen with, but I just wasn't that girl.  Guys just didn't like me, or if they did, they didn't let me know.  I didn't know how to flirt, I didn't know how to let people know I was interested without coming across as a weirdo, and I overall had a bad time in high school.  I'm sure being unhappy didn't help the situation.

Anyway, I decided that college was going to be different.  I wasn't going to be interested in boys.  I was going to focus on doing well in school and making friends.  I would leave college with a great group of friends, girls I would be friends with for the rest of my life.  I would reinvent myself, be a happier person, and I'd walk away from the unpleasantness of my hometown.  Then a week in I met my boyfriend.  We started off as friends, and he actually worked up the nerve to ask me out.  Side note: he asked me to go to a dance with him and I totally didn't get that he was asking me on a date.  I thought he meant as friends, he meant as a date.  I really was clueless!  I'm such a ditz at times!

So we started dating and things were great.  Then things got really hard after a year.  We struggled.  A lot.  We came close to breaking up, and then decided to work things out.  I blame it on being young, stupid, and because neither of us had really ever been in that type of relationship before.  We both made some pretty big mistakes, and we somehow managed to pull it back together.  We gave it another try, and here we are, four years later still going strong.  I don't know what I would do without him in my life.

It's funny but he's been the one constant.  Regardless of having a relationship, I still worked to make friends.  And my girlfriends changed every year.  I just couldn't find a group that I clicked with until my last year at school as an undergrad.  I'm very lucky to have the friends that I do, but the girls I figured would be consistent weren't for me.  My teachers changed.  I changed dorms.  I changed jobs.  Everything was always in a state of flux, just not him.  And he stood by me during my entire search and reunion.  I couldn't ask for a better guy.

It was a big step for me to give him the blog address.  He knew about the blog for sure.  I told him about it and how much it was helping me to deal with things.  He probably thought I was a weirdo but he's cool so he didn't say anything.  I think a lot of the time he just lets me go off and talk and waits for me to stop.  I'm annoying like that! :-)  Anyway, it was huge for me to actually point him in the direction of this blog but I did.  And I know he reads it sometimes.  And I know he ignores it for large chunks of time.  Thank you Google Analytics!  But he's been super supportive.  And I love him for it.

For our five year anniversary, we decided to take a vacation together.  We stayed at a Bed and Breakfast, something I had never done before.  I had a great time, and it was wonderful to spend time with my boyfriend after not seeing him for nearly three weeks.  I'm really hating this whole long distance thing but that's another post for another day.  We went on a whale watch, had a fancy dinner, went shopping, bought art, and hunted down Dunkin Donuts.  Pretty epic weekend!

I asked him about his nickname.  I told him to pick a movie title that started with R.  Turns out one of his favorite movies is Rudy.  So Rudy he is.  I was leaning more towards Rocky (a favorite movie of ours) but he asked for Rudy, so Rudy he will be!

Everywhere I Go

I went to the Cape for the weekend last weekend with my boyfriend as sort of a last hurrah. My grandmother turned 80 this week so today is her party (so no Cape this weekend) and then my boyfriend goes away with his family so I won't get to see him for a while. We had the perfect beach day Saturday and I got to go to the ocean (it was amazing!) something that I have to do at least once a summer. Sunday was bad weather, so we went to a local flea market as something to do. We wandered along, stopping here and there. Going to a flea market is fun, and we always have a good time. You can learn a lot about a person when you go to a flea market with them. My boyfriend has a hidden talent of finding cool things in places that I wouldn't normally look. So we stop at a lot of booths that I would walk by if I was on my own.

There was a booth with a lot of old maps. We stopped so he could go through them. He's really into history, something I've been avoiding lately. There was another couple talking to the vendor about history. I'm guessing they had been looking at the maps before we got there. Anyway, I was kind of staring off into space so I picked up on their conversation. The guy was talking about how his family was from Italy and suggesting a DNA test to the couple to see where they came from. He was talking about how it was easier for males and made it seem like he was talking more to the girl. Kind of an odd conversation I thought, but something that I am used to hearing about as an adoptee. Just not something that I've heard out in the real world too often.

Turns out she is an adoptee looking for her "birthparents". She hasn't been successful so far, so that's why the vendor was suggesting DNA testing. I really can't go anywhere without hearing about adoption lately. My poor boyfriend was pulled away from that booth so fast his head was spinning. I felt bad because I had to wait to calm down before I could explain why I needed to leave. I think he was still scratching his head even after I managed to get out… "They were talking about DNA testing because she's an adoptee looking for her birthparents. I couldn't listen to that conversation anymore!"

I don't know what made me run away. It just showed me again that no matter how far I think I've come, I still have a long way to go. I'm still not ok with my adoption, no matter how much I try to work on it. All the blogging, all the posting on forums, all the talking about it with non-adoptees, I'm still running away. It's helped me some, but I still need to get to the point where I can talk to adoptees in real life. I'm working on it. I want to be at that point by the time I go to Chicago next year I won't flee from the room. I hope that girl finds what she's looking for. Maybe somewhere down the line, I'd be able to approach her and let her know that we belong to the same club.

Vacation

I spent last weekend in the wonderful all-access state of Maine, and now I'm down in Connecticut hanging out with some friends.  I'm all over New England this week!  Next week I'll be on the amazing beach finishing up my last two weeks before I start my new job.

Drama is being kept to sort of a minimum, but we all know that won't last very long.  Maybe by the time I get back I'll have some great entries :-)

Pics with my next post!