I Love Technology

A Picture of my Stylus
Drawn with my Stylus!

I've been having some fun with technology lately.  Seriously.  I'm a technology girl and I always have been.  I used to think it was sort of weird because I had no clue where it came from, but now I know that it's a family trait.  I have some great products that I have fun playing with.  I recently got a stylus for my tablet.  I didn't have one before because I didn't think I needed one.  But I'm having a tough time with the on-screen keyboard because I'm a "touch typist" so I don't look down when I type, I just feel for the keys.  You can't do that on an on-screen keyboard so I'm having a rough time with it.  Because keyboards are so expensive, I figured that maybe it would be nice to get a stylus and write instead of typing.  It was worth a shot.

I found a stylus online for less than $10 with shipping and ordered it.  Writing is great, but I'm a perfectionist so it takes me longer to write than type on that keyboard because I'm always going back and rewriting so it will look neater.  Whoops!  It was worth a shot.  I did however realize that the stylus makes it a lot easier for me to draw on my tablet and phone.  Which is how I used to draw my pictures for the blog.  So in case you haven't noticed, I'm back to drawing the pictures on my blog and I've come up with some new art.  I'm always going to try new things for the illustrations.  That's just how I am.  But I'm pretty excited about having a new way of drawing.

I used to draw a lot.  I took art classes for a long time, even one in college.  It was a big hobby of mine.  At one point I thought about art school.  Then I gave up on that to pursue other things.  It happens.  I haven't had a pencil in my hand and a sketch book for a long time.  The stuff that I had been posting on here were drawn using my finger or the mouse.  Recently, I've had a stylus to help so it's a lot more like the drawing that I used to do.  It's going to take me a while to get used to the feel and the new pressure and such, but I'm having fun.

Technology is so cool like that.  There's always something new to explore or some new way to apply old tricks.  I never thought that I'd be illustrating blog posts on a tablet.  And I can't believe it didn't dawn on me earlier that it's a great way to express myself in a way that I feel more comfortable.  Go figure.

Another great thing about technology is that it's black and white.  A computer can do certain things, and it can't do other things.  You write a program and if it's written well, it works or it doesn't.  Any flaws come from the people who wrote it.  You punch into a calculator 2 + 2 and you'll always get 4.  If you get a different answer, go back and you'll find that you typed in the wrong thing, like maybe 2+1 to get a different answer.  It's the human that's flawed, not the calculator.  Computers are binary.  It's either true or false, 1 or 0.  There is no analog signal.  I tend to trust technology more than people.  Technology doesn't lie.  People do.

I'm going to have some fun drawing on my phone and tablet.  I'm having fun with the bright colors and the new graphics!

Picture Sunday: From the Floor

I took all of these pictures in my bedroom from the floor.  It was an interesting perspective to be sure!  I figured I'd try to find as many interesting photos as I could from one spot...  It was pretty interesting to see how much I could twist and turn without moving from that spot just to get an interesting angle.  I don't think it's the best way to take photos, but it was a fun challenge and these could have come out a lot worse!

Yes, that's me in the reflection!

My favorite... I did lots of twisting
to get this composition right.

This was more interesting
than I thought it would be!

Special Sunday

I'm taking a break from Picture Sundays.  They'll be back in a few weeks.  I haven't put away my camera by any means.  It's just that I've been so busy taking photos of family events that I haven't had a lot of time to sit down and process them all.  And there are a ton of photos of people and I don't want to post photos of people here (after all you don't know them so why would you want to see that?).  I took a break for Christmas and New Year's Day because things were so crazy.  But soon there won't be any more obstacles.

And next week I'm doing a book tour!  We'll see how that one goes.  I've been assigned the first day, which happens to fall on a Sunday.  So I thought it would be a little pointless to bring back Picture Sunday after the short break just to not run it again next week.

I love my Picture Sunday's though.  I enjoy going through my pictures during the week and figuring out which ones to post.  I have a few new apps on my phone which I've been playing with (mixing black and white with color... it's an interesting concept).  So I'm going to have some great photos to post soon.  And I'm taking the break in these posts to really work on collections of stuff.  I'm going to start naming the collections I post rather than sorting them by weeks.  So the first few are going to be well thought out.  Then knowing me they'll get a bit more scattered.  Oh well!

Hope you all have a great week!

2011: A Year In Review

Looking back on the year 2011, it was a big year.  It was filled with hidden joys, big challenges, and several life changing events.

In the month of January, I started blogging.  It was something that I wanted to try for a long time but it wasn't until January that I took that plunge.  This was also the month when I reached out to my first mother to try to start over, and was then ignored.  And I started my last semester of college.  We can't forget that one!

In February, I planned my first face to face.  I put together a book with all my emails and everything I knew about my first parents.

March was a fun month and a life changing one.  At the beginning of the month, I met my first father for the first time.  It was the first time I've met someone I'm biologically related to.  It was the first time I saw myself reflected in someone else.  Talk about unsettling!  As if that wasn't enough, my mom and I went on vacation together to Punta Cana.  We had the best time and I know it's something that I'm always going to look back on and smile.  What a busy month!

April was hard.  For starters, my sister and I got into a huge fight.  She wasn't supportive of me meeting my first father and was hurt that I hadn't told her sooner.  Then life changed completely when we learned that my mother had another brain tumor, only this time looked different from her last time.  I moved home the last week of the month.

May got harder.  My mother had four brain surgeries in three weeks.  She was diagnosed with brain cancer and her tumor was deemed inoperable.  I met my first father again, and this time went a little better.  We actually relaxed and had fun hanging out.  And then I graduated college with my bachelor and masters degrees, an event that my parents watched on a laptop in the ICU back in Boston.

June rolled around and my mom started her chemotherapy and radiation.  My life became all about my mother as I tried to adjust to living at home.  Lost Daughters started.  I saw Taylor Swift with my cousin, a girl who is like a sister to me.

July saw the end of radiation for my mom and a break in chemotherapy.  I got a job offer which I accepted and my mom and I went on vacation for a week on Cape Cod.  It was my last month of freedom before starting my job.  My first father started texting me, something that we hadn't really done before.

August started with my job.  Literally, my first day was August 1st.  It was a huge adjustment for me.  My first father started a short trend of sending me videos from his new phone.  Various summer fun was had by me and my boyfriend on the weekends.  August was anything but a lazy summer.

September rolled around and I got a new computer and a new phone in the same week.  I settled into work and my boyfriend started his job (so started spending less time with me).  I jumped on Twitter and tried to improve my blog.  I decided to be more open in my life about my reunion and stop treating it like a huge secret.

October brought more changes.  I started my Picture Sunday postings.  My attempt to be more open blew up in my face.  Steve Jobs died, and the Internet blew up with adoption stories.  My mother spent another week in the hospital.  My first father came up to visit me on my birthday and told me that he was thinking about telling my first sisters about me.

November was hard.  My first father told me he wasn't ready to tell my first sisters, which I was OK with because of the other insanity going on in my life.  I bought a new camera.  My cousin got married and my entire adoptive family got together to celebrate.  I had my high school reunion.  I nearly moved out of my house.  I sent my first father a text message that was spotted by my older kept sister.

December brought more changes.  My first father ended our reunion, except for an occasional email.  He changed his mind a week later after talking to my first mother who stood up for me.  I opted not to continue with reunion under his new rules, but to get back in touch in the new year.  I prepared for Christmas by myself.  The year came to a close.

What a year...  It feels like January was a lifetime ago!

Picture Sunday: Week 12

Sorry I'm a little late today!  Holiday fun the week before Christmas!  And I did edit these a bit late... Sorry about that!  These pictures are from an event I went to a few weeks ago.  Each company in this office building, as well as surrounding school and business, created a themed Christmas tree which was put up in a raffle.  All the proceeds went to the Ronald McDonald house.  Such a great event and a fun day!

Nice and Red :-)

Peace on Earth Tree

I liked the colors on this white tree

Patriotic Themed Tree!

Picture Sunday: Week 11

Finally I have Thanksgiving pictures!  After months, I finally updated my new computer with my old music and synced it up with my new phone.  Yes, it took me nearly three months to do.  But that's ok, because it's done now and not only do I have all my music on my phone (which is always with me) but I also have a lot of my recent pictures on there as well.  And seeing as I prep my pictures for this blog on my phone, it made it a whole lot easier to post these pictures this week!  Yay!  Lots of food because these come from Thanksgiving.  Enjoy!

Apples Pre-Pie

Going into a Pie

These were so yummy!

My uncle's dog

As always, ask first before using these pictures!

Picture Sunday: Week 10

Wow, week 10 already?  That's sort of impressive for me.  I think I might stop numbering them and naming them instead.  With a theme.  Am I that together?  We'll see.  I had a sort of crazy past few weeks.  So while I've got bunches of photos on my camera, they haven't exactly made it onto my computer.  So you get randoms this week!  Hopefully next week I'll have some wonderful holiday pictures (though they just might be Thanksgiving pictures...)

Coolest tree outside work

Souvenir from Rudy

I found this old picture this week of my dog
Roxy four years ago!

She's a lot bigger now but still a puppy at heart

That's all folks!  Remember to ask if you want to use the photos...

Picture Sunday: Week 9

We have the last of the fall pictures this week.  It's funny, but we have this great outdoor space near my house and I've never really taken advantage of it before.  We used to go there on class trips and my mom and I would go every now and then for a walk, but lately I've really been enjoying the outdoor space.  It's a great place to take pictures (as you've probably seen over the past few weeks).  Last weekend I went again with Rudy and I was amazed at how different everything looked.  In just two weeks all of the leaves were down off of the trees.  It was a lot different.  I have a feeling I'm going to have to find other things to take pictures of soon.  Though now we're officially into the holiday season so maybe I'll just have to focus on that until January :-)

Not many fall colors left

Leaves

Nothing left on the trees, but still pretty

Some cool rocks

Possibly the last color of the season

Ask first, use second.

Thanksgiving!

I'm Thankful For Apple Pie

Thanksgiving, a day when we give thanks for everything that we have been given in this life.  Interesting concept.  There are a lot of places I could go with this post, but I'm going to keep it positive today.

I am thankful for...

Spending another holiday with my mom.  She always goes above and beyond on the holidays and I'm glad that I get to share this one with her.  My mom is my rock and she keeps me sane.  She's the best mom I could have asked for and I'm thankful for the time that I do get to spend with her.  I'm thankful that she's starting to do better and she remembers who I am now.  I'm thankful that she can carry a conversation and understands what's going on around her in the morning.

Seeing Rudy on Thanksgiving.  Being in a long distance relationship is very hard.  We've done it before, but only for three months at a time.  We're now deep into month six, and working toward a new goal of living together next fall.  Being apart so much makes things like the holidays hard.  So seeing each other is a real blessing this year.  We're working through our problems together, and finding a way to make it work right now.  I'm very thankful that I will get to see him not only on Thanksgiving, but Christmas and New Years too.  Hopefully next year it won't be as much of an issue.

My friends.  Particularly the ones who have gone out of their way to be there for me lately.  You know who you are.  Everyone has crap going on in their own lives.  That's just how life works.  But I have a handful of friends who push their own crap aside to help me deal with mine.  And for that I am eternally grateful.  I'm very lucky to have made such great friends.

My blog-peeps.  I can't say it enough.  The people who read, comment, give feedback, email, or just drive up my page views are amazing.  If you're reading this, you're amazing.  Whenever I'm feeling particularly down, I come here and reread some of my favorite comments.  Or I look at my stats and feel more connected.  And then I go visit other blogs and feel less alone.  And see that these people have survived, so I can too.  I'm starting to love November because so many of my favorites are blogging more, every day in some cases.  Only you could turn the month of November around for me.

My mentor.  She's been amazing these last few months.  I've been struggling, and she noticed.  She reached out a hand to help me up.  She gave me a creative outlet, a place to leave it all behind and get my frustrations out of my system.  I'm so thankful to have her in my life.

My camera.  It's become so important to me these past few weeks.  I can hardly go a day without taking pictures of something.  And I don't just take pictures, I take LOTS of pictures.  I'm learning a new skill and slowly starting to get better at it.  And it's a break that I need.  I'm grateful that I've had my camera in my hands during some tough times these past few weeks.  And nobody can take it away from me.  It's a skill that's all mine.

My first father.  We've had our ups and downs, but he's been there for me as best he can.  He's making a serious effort and it means the world to me.  He's the father I didn't have growing up, and the father I don't have otherwise in my life right now.  To know I can send a text message and get one back is amazing.  He makes me laugh when nobody else is even trying because they don't care.  Someday, things will be different and I'll have to share our relationship more.  Right now it's just the two of us but someday others will be there in the background when they know about me.  So I'm going to be thankful for what we have right now, because it's what I need at this particular moment at this particular time.  I'm going to enjoy it for now and we'll see what happens in the future.

For all of these things I'm thankful.  And I'm thankful that I'm smart enough to see that changes do need to be made in my life and for making some steps in the right direction.  I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

Picture Sunday: Week 8

Random pictures this week.  I'm still getting used to my new camera and I'm getting used to my new zoom lens.  I'm pretty disappointed that by the time I get home at night, it's super dark now.  Before, the lighting was prefect when I got home but now it's dark and dreary.  I'm not big into taking pictures at night yet.  I'll get there, but I'm still learning how to take pictures when there's actually light out for now.  So you get randoms this week!  All curtacy of my phone camera.  I know I know... I spent all that money and I'm posting pictures from my phone.  I'll have better ones next week I promise!

I really like this flower

At least the moon was out to keep my company
on my drive home

My favorite mug

An attempt at Black and White

Don't steal my stuff.

Picture Sunday: Week 7

I went for a walk in the woods this week!  It was a lot of fun enjoying the fall weather (because we now have fall weather).  There were no traces of the snow that hit us hard two weekends ago, only downed tree branches here and there.  My new camera is amazing and I had a lot of fun.  Rudy and I did a photo shoot so I have lots of great pictures of me and him!  Can you say "Merry Christmas Rudy"?  Here are some of the pictures I took:

Path into the Woods

Pond

Pretty

Me and Rudy!

As always, please ask before using any of these pictures!

Pick Me Up

Is that floor I see?

November's got me down so I'm trying to pick myself back up.  This is something that I have to do a lot lately, but life goes on.  I've gotten used to putting one foot in front of the other, because really what else am I supposed to do? (Side note: I read somewhere people like subheaders? Gonna give it a try.)

Pictures

I've thrown myself into taking lots of pictures.  I dragged Rudy on a hike with me over the weekend with my camera.  You'll get to see some of those pictures on Sunday (exciting right?).  I'm asking for another lens for Christmas.  One that I can use to Zoom.  Because that's exciting!  Super close ups of things father away?  Yes please!  I also took about a million pictures at my cousin's wedding.  Well, actually I took 200.  And about 100 of them were keepable.  The other's met their fate in the recycle bin.  I'm still getting used to the new complicated camera so a bunch came out blurry.  Also, my cousins took some pictures with it while I was up dancing, and those didn't come out all that great.  At least they tried!

My Room
My room was a mess.  A complete horror show.  My dad told me to tear it apart so he could clean it.  Like spring cleaning clean.  So I did.  And then someone showed up to visit.  So it was put off for a day.  And then we got hit with a huge winter storm in October.  So it was put off again.  And then we had my cousin's wedding.  So my room was pulled apart for nearly a month with no cleaning.  I haven't been able to get into my closet because I was told to store everything there to get as much off the floor as possible.  So my closet has been home to my laundry basket, my organizing shelves, my trash can, and all the bins from under my bed that hold my many shoes.  I finally gave up waiting for my dad and did my own cleaning.  It's not his level of clean, but it's doable.  And I have my closet back.  Thank goodness.

Furniture
And then there was the furniture thing.  Which I tackled the same day.  I've had the same dresser in my room since I was five.  It's never moved.  Well, turns out my dad thought it would go better in the guest bedroom (which used to be a sewing room for my mom, who can't sew anymore, so it's been officially turned into another room for guests seeing as we tend to have a lot of those lately) so I have to get a new one.  But it's going to take a while for it to get here, so I have to wait without a dresser for a few weeks.  That's fine with me.  I rearranged my room because there's a lot less furniture.  Long story short, I've been waiting for cable in my room for two months now and the rearranging means I'll get it sooner.  So yay!  And yay for having my TV easier to see now!

Clothes
Then I cleaned out my clothes.  My summer clothes were still chilling in my closet.  Which was great, but I don't wear them in this weather.  So I packed them up and put all my winter clothes back in the closet.  Which was a good thing because they were all in the now empty dresser that's chilling in the guest bedroom.  I bought space bags so the spring clothes were zipped up and vacuumed into tiny little packets.  I don't need a stinking dresser!  Next spring, they will be unpacked, ironed, and put back in the closet.  It's a new system and I'm hoping it works.

Cleaning Out
All of these things have strangely helped me get back on my feet.  I've started to clean out some stuff.  Cleaning tends to help me move on for some reason.  It's like I clean out the cobwebs in my life and move forward.  I like organizing and the state of my room often is an indicator of my mental level.  If it's clean, my mental state is great!  If it's an unorganized mess, things are not going so well.  I'm hoping to have everything squared away by Saturday.  I know I can make my deadline if I just keep at it!  Yay for organization and determination!

Picking Myself Back Up
Between cleaning, taking pictures with my new camera, reading all of the wonderful blog posts that are happening this month, doing some serious reading (my books all came!), I'm starting to put my life back together after the most recent crash.  It's slow, but it's starting to work.  And I'm feeling better.  It's easier to get out of bed in the morning.  It's easier to smile.  And I feel like I can start to handle my life better.  Which is where I need to be at.  I have to start to deal with things now because they may or may not be getting crazy again by the end of the month.  We'll see.

Another To Do List

I've got lots of things to work on and not enough time to do it all.  That's ok, I'm sure this stuff will get done at one point or another.  And the nice thing about this list is that every item is a nice-to-have, not a need-to-have (with the exception of the 2011 Interview Project).  Need-to-have's are a lot more stressful.  Like seriously stressful.  I can get this stuff done at my own pace.  I do have some ideas as to when I want to get it done, but it's not like I'm under the wire.  I really like this whole no-deadline thing.  I'm not used to it.  I'm used to churning out a ten page paper in two days because it's due in two days.  I'm used to banging out a coding project because I have to get it done by Friday OR ELSE.  So this is nice.  Sort of.

Note: I got paired up with Unofficial Mom for the Interview Project!  Check out her blog if you have a minute (very cute)!  http://unofficialmom.blogspot.com/ I'm working on my interview questions to send soon and I'm happy with the way my list is shaping up so far.  Nearly there!

My Pine Cone

I'm very proud of my pine cone
picture

I've been trying to figure out why I value pictures so much.  I can't figure out if it's an adoptee thing, or a "Jenn" thing.  It's driving me crazy, especially seeing as I've gotten into photography lately.  Not seriously, but I'm starting a new hobby.  It's fun and I'm working at it.  I read somewhere the best way to get better is to take pictures everyday.  I've been giving it an honest go.  Blogging started as a hobby, something I was skeptical about, but now a year later I still post once a day.  I have my lapses (cough July) but it's been working out so far really well.  So if blogging worked out, maybe photography will too.  I've only had my camera for two weeks and already I feel lost if I'm not holding it in my hands.  I see things differently these days; it's like I'm always looking for a good shot and I see them everywhere, even if I don't have my camera in my hands.  It's been driving me crazy trying to figure out why that is (I'm a need to know kind of person).

Part of it is that I'm a creative person.  You probably wouldn't know it looking at my blog but I used to be really into art.  I always took art classes in high school (and college too) and I actually know how to draw.  Maybe not people, but give me a pencil and I can make a mean sketch of that fruit over there.  I haven't been doing a lot of that lately.  Ever since I stopped taking classes, I've found that I don't take time to foster my creative side.  Even with dance.  I used to live for it, but now I barely have time.  My creativity has suffered, and I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.  So I'm trying to pull myself out by learning a new skill.  One that would be very helpful.  And great when it comes time to give gifts.  Can you say picture frames anyone?

Part of it is that I want to document things.  I want to document what I see, what I feel, and what is going on around me.  For too much of my life, I don't have that documentation.  My first two months are in the shadows.  The first baby picture I have is one they sent my parents to show what I looked like at two months old.  I'm not even looking at the camera.  It's a horrible picture, and I hate it.  I can't go back and recreate those pictures.  I'll never know what I looked like at a week, or a month, or two.  I'll never have a picture of my first Christmas.  There are no pictures that exist of me and my first mother because she refused to even look at me.  Wonderful huh?  But I can make sure that I have pictures from the rest of my life.  I can make sure that I can look back years from now and say, "See?  I was a person.  I existed.  And I lived."  I want my family to look back and see how many nice memories we made.  My latest group of pictures on Facebook came out really nice from the family wedding this weekend.  I know they appreciated it (they said so) and a few Christmas card pictures could potentially be used.  So that was pretty cool that I had documented that.

I took about twenty pictures of a pine cone last week.  Go figure.  But it finally came out the way I wanted it to.  It took patience.  It took practice.  And I couldn't give up on it.  And the best shot?  It was somewhere in the middle.  I had to go through each and every shot a few times to find it.  And it's not perfect.  I'm sure that if anyone reading is a serious photographer, they can see the flaws in the picture.  But that's ok.  It's a start.  I'm learning a lot, and not just about taking pictures.  I'm learning about life, and the best way to live it, aware of my surroundings and looking for the beauty in all things.

Picture Sunday: Week 6

Have I really been doing this for a month and a half?  Cool!  I got a new camera last weekend, so I've been having fun learning how to use it.  My old digital camera broke and I wanted a new one.  My parents gave me cold hard cash for my birthday and the camera I wanted was on sale.  I got a DSLR, so I've had to practice a lot and I'm still getting used to it.  I only have the money now for one lens but I'll eventually be able to buy a few more and really get into photography more, rather than just pointing my point-and-shoot at something pretty and hoping it comes out half way decent.

It's been a busy week, but all of these pictures are from my new camera.  I had to find things around the house, which isn't always easy, but I'm like a kid on Christmas morning with my new camera.  Which is loud.  So my parents keep asking why I take 100 pictures of the same thing because it's not quite right or the composition could be better, or the focus wasn't where I wanted it.  Go figure.

I know, not really an adoption related post, but I'm not giving this up for the stupid month of November.  It's too much fun!  And have fun with pictures of leaves.  At least it's not the beach!

Pine Cone

A leaf

Another group of leaves

And some more

We can't let the indoor plant feel left out...

These pictures are mine.  Ask before using them.  Thanks.