My Adoption Story

Here is my adoption story in case you don't want to read through the archives.

The Basics:

I was born in '87 and adopted in '88.  I have a younger sister who was adopted in '91.  I make note of the years because I'm from good old Massachusetts and thus cannot get my factual birth certificate because of the year I was adopted.  Moving on...  My adoptive parents are great and I had a pretty normal childhood (or as normal as anyone does).  I have a fantastic family that is amazing and I love them all very much.  However, they could not fill in the missing puzzle pieces.  And it can be really annoying trying to complete a puzzle not knowing where all the pieces are.  Imagine if the puzzle was your identity as well...

I searched in the beginning of 2010 and found my first parents.  I contacted my first mother in Feb. 2010, and contacted my first father in Sept. 2010.

The Story:

My first parents grew up in a small city in southern Massachusetts.  They met shortly after graduating high school.  They started dating but hit a few bumps in the road, one being me, and the other being the fact that my first father was in the military reserves and was sent away for training.

My first mother did not tell my first father about me, and seeing as he was away for training, he never knew. My first mother was able to keep her pregnancy a secret from everyone by wearing baggie clothes.  They all just thought she had put on a little weight.  After she gave birth to me, her parents found out from a nurse who had the best of intentions.  They flipped out and gave her the option of keeping me and moving out or giving me up.  I was in foster care for two months while my first mother thought it over and finally told my first father.  Neither of them had a decent job, neither knew what they wanted to do in life, and neither knew if they would end up married.  So in the end it was decided I would be placed for adoption.  They ended up getting married and having two more children after me (so I have two full biological sisters).  I was never discussed and my sisters (as well as my first father's family) have no idea I exist.  My maternal grandparents and maternal uncle know I'm alive, but have no clue I'm back in touch.

I reached out to my first mother and we started an email relationship.  Things went well for a while but she refused to tell my first father that I got in touch with her, never mind the fact he was my father or that they are still married.  I didn't want to contact him without her consent because I was afraid of losing her.  She finally agreed to a phone call, only to take it back two months later.  After a miscommunication, I contacted my first father through Facebook.  He was so happy to hear from me and we started an email relationship.  Soon my first father and I started talking on the phone once a week.

After a while, I asked my first father if he would be open to the idea of meeting me.  He emailed me back that he wanted to meet me right away (when we first got in touch) but didn't want to get my hopes up in case it didn't work out.  We planned on meeting in a month.  Then his car died.  So it got postponed.  And then a meeting came up at his older daughter's school.  So it got postponed again.  We finally met up a little over a month after we had originally planned.

We met at a diner.  It was really weird because I totally shut down.  I couldn’t even look at him I was so out of it.  I just kept staring at the menu.  He was like “Say something!” and I replied “You say something!” and somehow we got past it and started talking.  It took about 15-20 minutes before either one of us felt comfortable, but it was ok.  Oh and at one point John Mayer’s “Daughters” came on the radio.  On the irony.  I just couldn’t stop smiling.  I didn’t get all giggly but I just felt like everything was going to be ok.  He never stopped smiling too, which made me really happy.  We ended up spending two and a half hours together.  It was really nice.  It was just so weird to see him across the table from me.  I kept thinking it was a dream that I didn't want to wake up from.  So surreal.

We've met again since then.  The second time was a lot easier and the third time was on my birthday.  Then things took a nose dive.  We had been texting and my oldest kept sister saw a text message from me.  She asked who I was.  He lied and said I was just a friend, but called me to tell me that the phone calls and text messages had to stop.  He completely shattered me in all of five minutes.  Later, my first mother defended me and told him that he overreacted, so I did get an apology email.  Things were pretty weird for a while with my first father emailing sporadically and my first mother maintaining her silence other than my "holiday emails".

I finally decided that it was time to make a change.  I realized that I had options and that I never fully asked my first mother to meet me.  I worked up the nerve (it took a while) to ask my first mother to meet me.  She agreed, if she could bring my first father with her.  We're currently working out the details, but I'm hoping that this page gets a new paragraph or two soon!