Working For A Living

I'm pretty excited today.  I've been working really hard to pay off my school loans which were pretty high coming out of school.  Going to a private university really kicked my butt.  My high school was all about the college thing.  It was all about getting into a good school and moving on in education.  As I mentioned yesterday, we were told as eighth graders that if we weren't planning on college, we should find another high school.  Yes, this is a public school system.  They just wanted to be the best public school system.  They are one of the top 200 high schools in the country so something's working, but still.  It was a bit much.

Anyway, I went to college because that's what was expected of me. My parents hadn't gone and had no idea how things should go down, but they knew I was smart and pushed me to take advantage of it.  They wanted me to go further in life (in terms of careers) than they did.  They didn't want me to work from pay check to pay check like they had done for a long time.  They let me pick any school I wanted, which was a nice private school that I was steered to by my high school.  Nobody tells you that tuition goes up but the scholarships don't.  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went to the college I did.  I met Rudy there.  I made some fantastic friends.  I have memories that I'll have forever of my fun days on [Insert College Here]'s campus.  But I'm in a deep hole of debt that I have to climb out of.  Joy.  I probably should have thought that one through, especially when I got an amazing scholarship to the University of Massachusetts.  I could have gone tuition free.  I turned that down for this crazy debt.  Oh well, can't change it now!

I'm living at home with my parents in part to help take care of my mom, and in part to put the money I would be spending on rent towards my loans.  It's not a great situation, but I'm finding a way to make it work (running helps - a lot).  I've been putting a lot away towards my loans.  Initially I figured that I could live like a pauper for two years and come out debt free.  Literally, I'd never eat or I'd bum food off my parents to make this one work.  I realized pretty quickly that wasn't a good way to live.  So then I decided that maybe I'd do it in three years and include a food budget.  But then I realized I'd be living a shell of a life.  So now I'm living my life as I see fit (and taking vacations when I want them) and paying off the loans as I can.  Because I don't have a lot of expenses, I'm able to put a lot of my paycheck towards my loans without feeling the belt tightening.  It's nice.  Thank goodness some good comes out of living at home!

My goal is to pay half my loans off by the end of the year.  At the end of the year, I'll be moving out and will no longer have all that extra income to go towards loans rather than rent.  I figure half is a good number.  The reason I'm really excited?  I hit the half way point to that goal this week.  I've been putting money towards some of my loans every two weeks when I get my paycheck and it seems like it's finally paid off.  Slow and steady wins the race.  And tax refunds.  Those help too.

I'm a quarter of the way there with my school loans.  While it doesn't seem like a lot, it's a pretty significant amount of money so I'm celebrating.  I'm going to treat myself to some candy today to celebrate.  I deserve it :-)  Reese's Peanut Butter Cups anyone?

Things To Look Forward To

While 2011 was an interesting year, 2012 is right around the corner and I'm so looking forward to it!  2012 is going to be a fantastic year for me, I can just tell!

For starters, I have some amazing concerts coming up.  I'm going to see Blake Shelton with my sister and cousins in a few months.  I have a mini-crush (ok, maybe not so mini) and I can't wait to see him in person.  I love his music and I can't wait to see him sing "Honeybee" in person.  In the spring, I'm going with one of my best friends to see Lady Antebellum (for the third time!) and Darius Rucker (who is my second favorite singer these days).  We're going to celebrate my friend's birthday and her graduation.  We both love country music and those artists, so I can't wait to enjoy a fun concert with her!

My two closest friends will be returning to the US after living in Africa.  Both ladies will be home around the summertime.  I can't wait to have them home!  I hate hearing stories about civil unrest and running to the computer to see how far away it is from both of them.  And one friend in particular has gotten sick over there a few times and that's a really scary thing.  So I can't wait until they both come home!  I'm so happy that they are having a great time and learning great things, but coming home is fun too.

It's time for me to get my own place.  I'm going to start looking for an apartment in the spring.  I'll have been home for a year and paid off a good portion of my loans.  So I think it's time for me to think about moving out on my own to start my own life.  I love my parents.  They are awesome.  Sure, the Grinch has been a major pain in my ass the last few months, but he's my dad so I'll always love him.  He means well most of the time.  And my mom is amazing.  She's a saint.  And my sister and I are starting to get along better.  But never the less, I need to start my own life and learn to take care of myself.  So I'll be moving on, while staying close enough to home that I can still visit whenever I want.

The Adoptee Rights Convention is going to be in Chicago in 2012.  I'm determined to be in attendance!  Unfortunately San Antonio didn't work out.  But Chicago is much more manageable and because I know about it a long time in advance, I've already starting putting money aside for it.  I can't wait to meet some of the wonderful people I've met online in person and to move from just being an e-activist to working towards equal rights for adoptees in person.

There's got to be a lot of stuff that I'm missing, but these are the big things that jump out at me.  You never know what the year will bring!  So here's to a fantastic and hopeful 2012!

Organizing My Life

Tree from a few years back

Happy December!  Thank goodness we've gotten through November - Adoption Bewareness Month.  I've been busy getting organized and figuring out my life.  It's not easy, but I'm working at it pretty hard.  I used to be super organized and I lost track of it somehow.  So I'm trying to get it back, get back into the swing of things, and get productive again.  I was on a good streak a few weeks ago (Yoga everyday, getting stuff done after work) but then stuff happened and I lost track of things again.  Now I'm realizing that I have to force myself into it.  So I'm back to making lists and figuring stuff out.

I've been meaning to figure out my loan situation for a while now.  I've been getting stuff in the mail (I go into repayment mode next month as it's officially December now!) but it all comes in separately.  I have three different companies for loans (but only two websites to visit - one has two tabs which made me feel stupid when I couldn't find two of my loans).  With the whole apartment thing, I figured that I should really see what I can afford and what I can't.  And I discovered a few things.

First of all, because I've been sending in checks and big chunks of change every time I start to build up some savings, I've whittled down some of my loans already (saving everything last year helped too).  I discovered that I've already paid a very large sum and when I did the math (I'm a math geek) I have already managed to pay 27% of my loans off.  That's almost a third.  Almost.  Considering my loans are huge I'm pretty excited about the whole thing.  So that made me feel better.

I figured out that if I stay at home, I can pay my loans off in two years if I put all my extra money towards them.  Obviously, this is the most ideal situation.  If I have to get an apartment, I can pay them off in three.  So it's a difference of about a year.  This is assuming I don't get a raise (and I've been told I can expect one come the spring) and that I don't pick up an extra job (which is always an option for the weekends) and that there aren't any major financial issues that come up (which could always happen).

I'm going to stay home for now.  I have a few other options to make my life better.  I'm going to start staying with my grandmother on the weekends.  Had I gotten a job in Boston I would have moved in with her during the week to save on gas and the commute, plus she's lonely and 80 and could use some company.  So it's a good solution.  I'm also going to start pointing out when my father is treating me like crap.  I've been biting my tongue, but I think that if it's said out loud, he'll start to see that he's not being respectful or kind to me.  It probably won't work, but I need to try.  And I have places I can go for the night if things get really bad.  It's not ideal, but it will work for now until I can better figure out my situation and see how things go with Rudy.  If he transfers his job, I need to make sure that I'm not stuck in a lease.  If he doesn't, then I have more freedom.

On top of that, I did out my Christmas list and started shopping hardcore.  I have most of my gifts taken care of at this point.  I have a few more things to pick up, but I'm pretty sure I can get it all finished this weekend.  That only leaves wrapping.  Plus I was able to pick up a bunch of stuff for my mom too, so she'll be able to get all of her stuff wrapped next week so by the time Christmas rolls around, she won't stress.  We have a saying in my house.  My mother goes crazy two times a year.  Self-evaluation time for work (which isn't an issue anymore) and Christmas (which I'm trying to make as stress free as possible).  So we'll see how that goes.

I've got a lot going on right now, but I'm processing and dealing with things.  I cleaned my room last night, did a bunch of laundry, and organized my space.  That makes me feel better.  I have a few more things that I need to do, but overall I'm pretty happy with things right now.  I hope it stays that way.

Something's Not Right

Add sweatpants and boots
and this is what I'm talking about

I was dealing with some serious family drama this week.  Seriously.  So I'm going to write about it because it will make me feel better.  It always does.

I'm pretty sure that my adoptive father has OCD.  Naturally I'm not a professional so maybe it's something else.  But there's something not right going on.  My dad has always been clean.  But lately it's been kicked up to a whole new level of insanity, ever since my mom got sick.  Before, he'd deal with the mess.  My mom isn't the most organized person and there were times when we'd have stacks of paper in the kitchen, the laundry would be piled up, and don't even get my started on the guest bedroom (the door was always shut that's how bad it was).  However, my mom no longer handles the bills (so no more stacks of paper), the laundry gets put away the same day its done (it's a good system), and my dad has cleaned out the guest bedroom.  She used to do her arts and crafts in there and she can't do those things anymore so there's no chance for her to mess it up again.

My dad has gone through each and every room in the house.  In each room, he's dusted every item.  He's vacuumed twice.  He's scrubbed the floor with a new favorite cleaning product.  He's moved around the furniture and gone so far as to buy new (cleaner) furniture for almost each room.  All the windows have been scrubbed.  He dusted every fan, as well as polished the wood on the beams in the room with the cathedral ceiling.  Spare sheets have been washed.  Everything is neat and organized.  He's got the basement left.  That's it.  The rest of the house (including my bedroom) he's already cleaned.  It's weird.  It's like he HAS to do it.  He's also manicured the lawn outside to the point where if it's not raining, he's usually in the yard.  That outlet is gone now that the winter is here.

I honestly didn't think much of it.  I knew it was an escape for him, and I figured that if it made him happy, then he should just do it.  Beside, what's wrong with a clean house?  It didn't bother me, it certainly didn't bother my mother, and whatever, we move on.  And then this week happened.

I made a mess in the basement.  I own up to that 100%.  I forgot to fold a blanket I was using and I left a jacket down there.  I had moved some furniture so I could do my yoga and hadn't moved it back because I've been doing yoga everyday.  I figured it's the basement and I'm really the only one who's been going down there.  And I left a food wrapper.  Which really wasn't good.  My bad.

Not only was I yelled at for a good ten minutes, but Rudy (who had nothing to do with the mess) was brought into it.  Then he went after my bedroom.  Apparently two sweatpants and a pair of boots constitutes a pig sty and I needed to grow up and keep my room clean.  To which my response was, it's my room and if it bothers you, don't go in there.  Apparently that's the wrong thing to say.  This is why I seriously think he's got some sort of mental disorder.  A normal rational person would not have flipped out on me the way that he did.  He even followed me to my room later in the night to yell at me some more.  He couldn't handle the things on the floor.  My room is super neat and clean right now.  Two sweatpants and a pair of boots (that my sister had borrowed and returned after I left for work and therefore I had no knowledge of) were enough to set him off.

I'm one of the cleanest people I know.  The sweatpants and boots were not hurting anyone.  They did not impose on anyone's safety.  They weren't affecting the rest of the family in anyway.  The reason my door was open was because I don't have heat in my room and it's freezing in there if I keep the door shut.  I wish I was joking.

I was told that my room isn't really mine.  That it's his house and therefore I need to abide by his rules.  And that means nothing on the floor (keep in mind that these items were far from the door and therefore nothing my mother could have tripped on -- that I could have understood). I was told that I don't have the right to any privacy in the house because it's a family house and therefore we share things as a family.

This whole living at home thing at 24 is new to me.  I'd rather be in an apartment on my own.  I've gone to look at apartments.  But I owed upwards of $80,000 in student loans.  I'd like to pay some of them off before I have to pay serious rent.  I've got it down to $70,000 after working my butt off this summer and I hope to have it down to $65,000 by the new year.  I'm determined.  I do know that after five years of having my own space, I need one room in the house to call my own.

I'm asking my dad for an agreement between us (written).  I'll pay him $300 a month (what he keeps telling everyone I should be paying him to live at home) and in return for that he 1) does not enter my room without my permission 2) does not comment on the status of my room unless it affects someone else in the house with the door closed and 3) I get the cable I've been asking for for six months.  I think that's fair.  In case that doesn't work out, I've been looking at apartments but I'll have to pay at least $1000 a month in rent, and while that's not super bad, I don't really have that money right now to furnish an apartment and I'd like to stay at home to help with my mom.

This is my life.  I need a vacation from the hell hole that I'm living in.  Is it December 9th yet?

Things To Do Checklist