Preparations Part 2

Hope I'm not left out in the Cold!

See Part 1 Here

Yesterday's post was so long I had to break it up in two.  I'm preparing for my third visit with my first father.  Which happens to fall on my birthday.  This could go amazingly well, or really really wrong.  I'm trying to prepare for all the ways it could go wrong.

Now there are several things that could go wrong.  I'm being open about stuff right?  Well I know for a fact that my adoptive father has withdrawn his support.  He's taking everything out on me these days and I hate that, but there's not a lot I can do about it.  I'm the emotional punching bag, the person who stops him from exploding at my mother, and the peace keeper.  I hate that role but it is what it is.

I'm going to tell my mother about meeting up with SinginInTheRain because I promised her that I would.  I'm just going to wait until my dad isn't around.  Mentally, she's a lot more there now than she was a few weeks ago.  Like it's amazing the progress that she's made.  She's almost back to being her old self.  So while she might not remember, she'll almost defiantly remember if I don't tell her. So I'm going to keep my promise and let her know that I'm meeting up with him.  She might freak out and ask that I not go.  I highly doubt it, but it could happen.  More likely than not she'll just be like "Ok whatever" and that will be the end of it.  She might ask to meet him.  If that's the case, things could get complicated.  But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.  I'm not going to worry about that right now because I actually think her meeting him would be a good thing.  But I doubt it's going to happen.

My grandmother is going to be at my house for the day. You know, THAT grandmother.  Now I've sworn to be honest if I'm asked, but I can't see this ending well for me so I'm going to the "spa" as far as she's concerned.  Which is true because that's what I've decided to do after my visit.  I'm going to need to relax.  But there's a chance she might not come to hang out with my mom.  And because I have the day off, that would be bad because it's a lot harder to find a replacement for her if everyone knows I'm off.  Which they all do.  So if she doesn't show because her leg has been bothering her and she doesn't like driving, I might be stuck.  It's happened before.  The back up plan is to play the birthday card.  Hard.

"It's my birthday and I made plans to go to the spa!  I really was looking forward to this, can you PLEASE help me out and come watch Mom for a few hours?  I just really need a day for myself and it's my birthday and I need to relax."  

It might work.  I hope.  Wow, rereading that I realize I need to clarify.  I love spending time with my adoptive mom.  But it's stressful and challenging.  I don't want to spend my birthday feeling stressed and challenged.  I'd rather be at work than watching my mom by myself all day (she sleeps a lot too so I'd have to keep busy doing other things by myself at my house... not so much fun).  I'm not a heartless witch.  I was told that I'm not allowed to hang out with my mom that day by my aunt who has become like a second mom to me through all of this.  Because she wants me to be relaxed and enjoy my birthday.  It's the one day of the year I get to make it all about me.  So I will.

I could naturally run into problems with my adoptive father.  Who knows where his mind is at these days?  He will probably be coming home to see my mom around the time that I'm leaving.  Because it's my birthday, there's a chance he might want to hang out with me or take me to lunch.  I highly doubt it, but it could happen.  Or he could run to the mall to get something for my birthday and I could run into him there.  It could happen.  How awkward would that be?

"Oh hi Dad.  What are you doing here?  Oh, shopping for my birthday?  Um, cool.  So this is SinginInTheRain, you know, the person I'm not supposed to talk about or mention in any way because you feel threatened?  Well, this is him!  We're having lunch, on my birthday...  So yeah.  Well, we're gonna go.  Me and my birth father [first father].  Love you!  See you at home for dinner!"

Yikes!  That would be bad.  But it's a possibility.  To avoid super awkward situations like this one, I'm going to let him know beforehand I think.  I'm waiting until he's calm.  After I talk to my mom.  So I'll know how she feels first, and then I'm just going to mention it to him.  But he's going to have to be alone.  And I have to have a game plan.  And I need to be prepared to run out of there quick.  And I need to be ready to laugh it off.  I need to be mentally prepared.  And I have to figure that all out QUICK because I'm seeing SinginInTheRain in a matter of DAYS. (Eee!)

Most likely out of all these scenarios is that I'm going to run into someone I know.  This is not just likely, I'd be floored if it didn't happen.  So I'm going to have to introduce SinginInTheRain to someone I know.  Which is going to be interesting because I've never done that before.  And it's going to get back to my parents.  That's just how my hometown is.  You know how there are all these little towns across America where everyone knows each other's business?  I think that we place these towns geographically in our minds in the southern part of the country, or the western part of the country, or at least I do anyway.  Turns out we have them in the East as well!  So that ought to be interesting.  I'm still working on wrapping my head around this one.

Why post about this?  Because I'm preparing for the worst.  I'm preparing for hell.  That way, if something does go wrong, I'll either have a backup plan already in place or at the very least, be mentally prepared for it.  So that's why I'm blogging about this.  Getting ready for failure.  Because then if things go wonderful, it's even better.

Fingers crossed!