Profile Picture

I can't remember if I blogged about this here before or not. I figured I'd go for it anyway because I've been thinking about it a bit lately.

When I first got in touch with my first father, it was through Facebook. I'm pretty convinced that Facebook is not all it's cracked up to be and can cause a lot of drama. However, it was the only way I felt at the time I could get in touch with my first father. I was under the impression that I had permission, but I wasn't sure how long it was going to last. I could see her backing out of giving me permission so I had to move. I also knew not to send something to the house because I didn't want to "out" myself to the wrong people (read here: my sisters). And I didn't want to ask for an email address, because again, I wasn't sure if my first mother would change her mind at all. I couldn't see her giving me his email address. So Facebook seemed like my only option.

The profile picture because a big deal. I knew he'd have my name, he'd be able to see very limited information on my profile (mine was very private before it was cool to be private) and he'd be able to see my picture. How do you convince someone you are their daughter with just a name, a picture, and a message? I also don't like pictures of myself. I'm too critical and I know it's something I have to work on. My way out of this is to use a profile picture of me as a kid. I'll admit I was a cute child and those pictures don’t bother me. At the time, my profile picture was me at five. A friend pointed it out to me before I sent the message. It was decided that sending a message from my Facebook with a picture of me at five was a bad idea. We talked it over and figured that a) I'm writing to him as a twenty-two year old and that sending a picture of me at five would send mixed messages, b) seeing a picture of the kid he gave up, rather than the adult who's contacting him, might evoke a strong emotion (not sure which one) and that might not be the best thing in the world and c) it would be much better to show him what I look like now because I wanted to be seen as a mature woman who he would want to get to know.

It is interesting to discuss this now with my first father. He did notice the picture and tried to figure out if I was really me based on that picture. The name meant nothing to him, the message was standard and didn't give anything away, so all he really had was the picture. He thought that I sort of looked like I could be the right person. Those pictures are so hard to see though, I can't blame him for not getting it right away. I had received pictures of him from my first mother, so I knew what to look for. He had no clue.

These days, I'm still careful about my profile picture for a lot of reasons. First of all, I'm friends with my grandmother on Facebook. Yes, that grandmother, the one I don’t want to know about my reunion. I can hear it now "I saw your profile the other day… What kind of picture is that?" Also, I'm friends with people I work with. I have to maintain a professional image. I've also worked hard to get where I am and I don't want a picture to take away from that. I'm a big proponent of having a positive online image. And yes, I will admit that knowing that if my first father still has that first message, he can still see my profile picture. We aren't Facebook friends (can't imagine what THAT blowup would be like for him!) but I still have to be careful. You never know…