My Heritage On Paper

Rudy and I were driving around the other day when an interesting topic came up.  We drove through this town and Rudy commented that three out of five people in the town were of Irish decent according to census data.  We laughed over what St. Patrick's Day must look like in the town.  And then I started to think.  Both of my adoptive parents are of Irish decent.  And legally, I'm their daughter.  And legally, there's no public record of me being anyone else's daughter.  So legally, I suppose I'm of Irish decent.

Only I'm not.  I'm of English decent.  And French decent.  And mostly Portuguese decent.  It took me a long time to figure out what my ancestry was.  I waited over 22 years to have my answers.  So I guess it was just a bit of a blow when I realized sitting in the car there with Rudy that just because I know my truth doesn't mean that everyone else does, legally that is.

Some of my ancestors did come from an island, just not the same island my parents.  My ancestors came from the Azores.  Yet nowhere in any census would you see me reported as Portuguese until I start filling out my own data.  How odd.  I mean, thinking about it, there is no connection anywhere to me belong to that ethnicity. I don't know this for sure because my state won't let me see my  OBC, but I'm pretty sure that I'm listed as Baby [Insert Letter Here] on my original birth certificate.  I don't think that my first father is listed, but I could be wrong about that.  So even if I did get my OBC, I don't know what information is on there or how accurate it is.  Then there's the fact that I'd have to get it unsealed and even then it's not official.  My adoption null and voided my OBC.  My new one has my adoptive name on it and my adoptive parents listed as my natural parents.  As in sharing DNA, which I don't.  There's not a single legal document out there that could stand in a court of law that ties me to my original ancestry.  I'm guessing the only thing I could do to prove where I come from is to get a DNA test.

I've been thinking about it for a while.  I still have a lot of loans to pay off.  It's a pain.  But I'm doing pretty well with them so far and I might try to pick up some side work soon.  So maybe that's something that I need to start saving for.  I think I can have the money set aside by Spring and I could take one of those tests that traces back my maternal line and links me to whatever ancestry I really am.  I may need to keep my eyes open for a special.

I'm not Irish and I have no problem stating that.  I may have an Irish last name, but that's not who I am.  That history belongs to my parents, and my parents alone.  I'm proud of my own heritage and I'm sticking to it.  I respect and value my parents' heritage, don't get me wrong.  I love Irish music, will probably hang an Irish blessing in my future home, and I have Irish jewelry up the wazoo.  Just like I will eventually learn how to make the family Italian sauce (or "gravy") and can bake some mean Italian pastries.  Lucky for me, Rudy's heritage happens to be the same as my adoptive family's heritage.  Funny how that all worked out.  As I said, I respect it and it played a big part of my childhood, but it's not who I am and I'm OK with that.  I'm just glad that now I know my own heritage and I can be thankful for that.  Even if the government has no way of knowing...

Switched At Birth: The Dating Your Father Complex (not really)

I'm a fan of ABC Family's Switched at Birth.  Although I wasn't "switched at birth", I do find some of the themes to be similar.  I watched last night's episode "Self-Portrait With a Bandaged Ear" and was again struck at how similar some of the themes are.  (Note: I'm about to talk about a few minor plot points).

Basically, you have two girls who are switched at birth, and figure it out when they are 16.  Major twist is that one of the girls is deaf.  So you basically have all these issues that the show gets to explore about not only being switched at birth but also the differences between the deaf and hearing worlds.  Back to the switch thing.  One girl ends up with this super rich family (the father was a major league baseball player) while the other girl ends up with a single mom in a bad area of town.  Eventually, the other father comes back and had the opportunity to get to know his biological daughter.

So you have Bay and Angelo getting to know one another.  Which is awkward.  So in this episode, Bay meets Angelo at a coffee shop where the two of them are going to get to know each other.  This is really their first time hanging out together just the two of them because all other "visits" have had a chaperon.  So it's strange.  And neither of them know what to say.  And he orders her a coffee not realizing that she's 16 and not really allowed to drink it.  Whoops!  And then Bay says the most amazing thing.  She tells him that it's so strange because it's like a cross between an interview and a date.  Only he's her father.

She hit the nail on the head.  Exactly what I felt like getting to know my first father.  There's a lot of qualities that are similar to dating.  Only it's not a date because he's your father.  So then it feels more like an interview.  But not really.  There really isn't any situation that's similar.  So weird and awkward.  And because it's weird and awkward, you know that something doesn't feel right.  Or at least I knew something didn't feel right.  And that just made it worse.  Don't get me wrong, it was amazing getting to know my first father.  But different and unexpected at the same time.  Twilight zone different.

Anyway, that small line stuck with me for the rest of the show.  Because it summed up so perfectly what I was feeling nearly a year ago when I met my first father for the first time.  And it really made me think about why that show is on television.  Because honestly?  It's like something that no other situation compares to.  There isn't anything else like it.  This feeling of getting to know someone you are biologically related to for the first time not as a child but as an adult (or teen in this case).  It's not normal and people are drawn to the story line.  Or at least that's what I think anyway.

I was talking to Rudy about things last night.  He compared what I was going through to a break up.  And in some cases, he's right.  But at the same time, when you break up with someone, there's a small glimmer of hope that maybe there's someone else out there.  You can meet another person eventually.  You might not think that right away, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  My first father can never be replaced.  There is only one person out there who contributed that part of my DNA.  I can't search again and find someone else.  That's it.  He's it.  So if things are really done, then that's it.  It's painful, but the truth.

And because it's January 18th, go check out Amanda's blog post STOP SOPA/PIPA!

DNA Test Thoughts

I'm thinking about getting one of those tests. There are different kinds of DNA test. This test is to figure out ancestry. I'm still on the fence about the standard DNA test. The one that would tell me for sure that SinginInTheRain is my father and NeverTooLate is my mother. Looking at pictures and seeing us together makes it seem like there shouldn't be any doubt. But I guess I can't be 100% sure unless I take a test. I just don't know if there's enough doubt to risk offending SinginInTheRain by asking about one.

Back to the point, I'm thinking about getting a DNA test that analyses genes to trace back to what part of the world your ancestors come from. It might be able to tell me where in Europe my ancestors come from. For some adoptees, that's the only option they have for getting answers. It won't tell you where exactly your family is from. And it's a lot easier if you are a guy. These are things that I learned when I started looking into DNA testing. But its still something. And for adoptees that really know nothing, it's a start. Its sort of an answer to the question "Where do I come from?" You might be wondering why I would need this if I've found my first parents.

I don't trust the information that was given to me. I've uncovered a few lies so far. SinginInTheRain told me his family was from the mainland. One of his grandparent's was, but the rest were from the islands. So most of my ancestors came from the islands (don’t get me wrong, the people on the islands came from the mainland but still). He also only reported that he was French, and left out the English part of it. But NeverTooLate told me he had a little bit of English in his blood. So someone isn't telling me the whole truth. Maybe a DNA test would help that….

Has anyone taken this test? Would you recommend it?