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| I drink lots of tea |
I know that my first mother won't be concerned really with how I look. It doesn't matter what I wear, or how I do my hair because that's not what she's meeting me for. That being said, because first impressions are the most lasting, I want to look nice when I meet her. I know that I can't prepare for the emotional stuff, but if I can feel good about myself, maybe it will help a little bit, especially with my own self-esteem.
I'm going to get a new outfit. I did that when I met my first father, and it made me happy. I don't want to dress up too much, because that's a pain and it's not a job interview. I don't want to show up in a sweatshirt either. When I met SinginInTheRain, I wore nice jeans and a sweatery thing (I'm so fashion forward I know what to call everything...). I wore my ballet flats because I knew he wasn't much taller than me and I didn't want to wear my four inch heals. I wasn't too concerned about it because in general, guys don't judge women's clothing the way that women tend to (and I knew my first father was that type of guy... he wears white socks with black sneakers). Knowing me, I'll probably get a nice new top, wear my nice jeans (I have a new pair of nice jeans now), and a nice pair of shoes. I have a ton of shoes to pick from, so I'm sure I'll find something to wear.
I'm debating on getting a haircut. I'm trying to grow out my hair and its in that annoying in-between stage. It's not short, but it's not long either. Also, because my hair is so curly I have to straighten it or it turns into a triangle shape that looks awful. I could get it cut so that it looks really nice for when I meet her, but lose a few months worth of work (and I consider growing my hair out lots of work), or I can leave it the way that it is and pray that I have a good hair day. I'm leaning towards praying for a good day. I just really hope it doesn't rain...
I'm also finishing up a pack of Crest white strips. It's about that time of year to use them again anyway so it's not a big deal. I drink tea which isn't as bad as coffee, but white teeth make me happy so I'm going to finish up the pack before I meet her. At least I'll have white teeth!
I'm taking the day off of work for when I meet her. If I meet her in the afternoon and I try to work in the morning, I'll be stressed and watching the clock the whole time to make sure I don't miss it. I won't get anything done and I'd feel badly for my coworkers for having to deal with me. I'm not going to want to go back to work afterward either. I have a feeling I'll be way too worked up. Last time I saw my first father I planned a massage afterward. It was great because I knew I had something to look forward to after he left. I just may do something similar this time around.
In the morning, I'll go and get my car washed. I'm going to clean out my car on the inside this weekend anyway (it badly needs to be done) so I'll just have a nice outer shine to match the inner shine! Anything to make me feel more prepared for the un-preparable.
Thank goodness for my running. It's not that I needed to run to lose weight. Running for me is more to tone up and gain some muscle weight. However, running's been my key to sleeping lately. I'm so tired by the time I hit my pillow I'm out like a light. I haven't been plagued with my normal insomnia for a while now (since I started running actually) so that's been a good thing. It's also keeping me less stressed so I'm better able to handle all these things.
Sounds like you have a great plan. I am so glad that your going to meet your first Mom. Hoping for the best for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks birthmothertalks!!!
Delete"Also, because my hair is so curly I have to straighten it or it turns into a triangle shape that looks awful" LOLOLOL!!! I have that same issue! Precisely the reason I let my hair grow out. On humid days, I can pull it up on top of my head. Otherwise, I look like a cocker spaniel!!
ReplyDeleteI don't think people will ever understand how absurd it is for us to be meeting our family as adults. Chances are, your n Mom is trying to decide what she is going to wear, too.
The weeks/days leading up to it are filled with a million different emotions. Then, the days after are for decompressing. Its so bizzarre.
That's one of the reasons I'm growing my hair out. I want to be able to pull it back. This past weekend I made an attempt but the front pieces aren't long enough so they fell out and made me look crazy... Sigh.
DeleteMy first mom is beautiful. She also has a killer sense of fashion. I didn't get the fashion sense, but I did get my love of boots from her. I'll probably wear them for that reason...
Welcome to the roller coaster... Yipee!
Of course your mother is going through the same...what to wear, am I too fat? how does my hair look? First impressions no matter what do count and Mothers are just as terrified of being rejected and go through the same machinations you are. It's likely that the two of you will end up being similarly dressed.
ReplyDeleteYour post reminds me of how I spent three days deciding what to wear and I was still in a tizzy when my husband was saying we were going to miss the plane if I didn't hurry up. I wore a pink crew neck sweater; hers was lavender. Mother and daughter we were, for sure.
And I think I'll go out and get some Crest White Strips myself.
My fingers and heart are crossed for you. I love your posts.
xx
lo
How funny that you wore similar things! I would laugh if that happened to me and my first mother. And then I'd feel successful because she looks so trendy in all the pictures I see of her. I love my amom, but we have two very different senses of style. Mine's a mix between my trendier first mom and my conservative/preppy adoptive mom.
DeleteI love Crest White Strips! They rock :-)
Still didn't get the crest whites but there on the list for today. :D
DeleteI've been using a mouth wash that is supposed to brighten my teeth. Listerine Whitening Vibrant Bright.
After my daughter and I got to know each other, we could wear each other's clothes. I hope the same for you. Sorry if I missed it, but does your nmother live far away? Who is doing the traveling?
lo
My first mother lives about an hour away. We haven't figured out where to meet yet. My first father and I met in CT for the first time because I was living there. We met at a halfway point. The second time we met, we met up at a mall that's about 20 min from my house and 45 min away from their house but my first mom was nervous that someone was going to recognize him and flipped out about it. The third time, he came to my hometown. I'd guess we'll meet at a halfway point, or more likely that they'll come closer to where I live so they won't be seen...
DeleteJenn:
ReplyDeleteI so get this. ALthough my son has yet to be willing to meet, I think about it all the time - getting my teeth whitened, what to wear (everytime I buy something new, I evaluate it on whether it's meeting-my-son-worthy). I have a couple girlfriends who know their job is to help select the outfit for the big day whenever that is. I've been working out for 3 months, yes to get healthy, but also to be thinner for when I meet him. I know that he could probably care less but I too want a good first impression (and if he brings a girlfriend, we know she will judge what I look like) and because I am going to make sure somebody takes our picture, I want to have that lasting memory with me looking like I want to. And don't get me started on hair - I have really thick hair that's curly at times - so the question is, straighten it or keep it natural since that's our genes at work? I make sure I keep my coloring appointments on time on the off chance I'll have to meet him at the drop of a hat. Okay, now I'm starting to sound a little obsessed but I know you all get it. Good luck Jenn!
Sara
Thanks Sara! I totally get this. I didn't get a picture at my first meeting with my first father. I did get one the third time around, the first time that I didn't obsessively do my hair and pick a careful outfit (I was wearing a baseball cap and a sweatshirt). I love that it's a nice picture of the two of us, but I wish I'd worn something nicer. Rudy's coming with me, so I'm going to have him take a picture of the three of us.
DeleteSara- I had my hair chemically straightened last summer, and it was the best money I ever spent. It lasted almost 6 months. Saved me hours of prep! I didn't even have to blow dry my hair, and it was stick straight.
DeleteBut it's funny you mention genetics. About 8 years ago, I had a lower eye job. I had really bad puffy bags under my eyes that made me look tired and old. When I met my n brother about 4 years later, one of the first things he said to me was, "Gee, sis, you got lucky- you don't have those yucky eye bags like the rest of us do..."
I love this conversation...it's serious and seemingly silly at the same time.
DeleteI have really fine dirty blonde hair and unless it is highlighted heavily it always looks dank and almost greasy--even at my age! So I have been highlighting it since high school, which is more years than I am going to admit to you kids! My daughter was 15 when we met and the following summer she arrived to stay with us all summer--with highlighted hair that she got through the use of a product that you spray on and go out in the sun. On our hair [hers was a carbon copy of mine], it really works. For me, it was a real joy to see her with her "blonder" hair.
Everybody should follow what she thinks is best for them and the results will take care of themselves.
Linda - seriously thinking about having a chemical treatment... I'm guessing you recommend it? I'm growing out my hair so I will be able to pull it back but I'm in the halfway point. I want to have it fixed until it's grown out more and not so much of an issue...
DeleteHaHa! I totally get this. I own a boutique, so I have double pressure to look good! I have summer and winter outfits picked out, since I never know when I might hear from him. As for the hair, I just cut mine all off. Was tired of menopause turning my curls into frizz. Felt like I had a shrub on my head!
DeleteGood luck, Jenn. I'm sure look beautiful!
Some of the chemical straightening products are bad bad for you. The Brazilian blowout I'm thinking of.
ReplyDeleteYou will be beautiful!