Bringing Rudy With Me

I'm excited to bring Rudy with me when I meet my first parents.  For starters, I love hanging out with him anyway and always jump at the chance to see him during the week if we can make it work.  Long distance is hard, so it's those unexpected moments (though this is planned) that are so sweet.  The more relevant reason though is that I want him to meet my first parents too.

I've let Rudy read some of my first mother's emails, especially the ones that I needed a second opinion on.  Sometimes I'm too far into something to see it clearly, and so he's been great about offering a second opinion from an "outsider" perspective.  He's had some interesting perspectives that really helped me a lot through my reunion with her.  He had a great way of being on my side, yet guiding me back to calmer waters when I needed calming.  Rudy's also read a few of my first father's emails for the same reason.  He accidentally saw a video my first father sent me once too.  The video was on my i.Pad and he was playing around on it one day while visiting and stumbled upon it in my pictures.  It's not that I had a problem with him seeing it, it's just probably not something that I would have shared with him right at that moment.  And I think it worked out better where he just found it because he was surprised and watched without having time to think about what he was going to see.  It was pretty amazing actually.  He so clearly saw me in my first father that I could see the light bulb go off in his head.  For the first time, I think he started to really understand why it was so important to me and why I wanted to get to know this man.  So Rudy knows a little bit about both of them already.  While he's never met my first father, he does know what he looks like and sounds like.  He's seen the pictures of my first mother and first father.  And he knows the story already, even the stuff I don't share here.  He knows the history.

This is both a good and bad thing.  Rudy was very upset when SinginInTheRain ended contact back in December.  For starters, he was angry that I was hurt.  Also, he was mad because he didn't understand why my first father made the choices that he did.  He couldn't understand why someone would treat another person that way, let alone someone who had done the things that I had done to make things easier for him.  Here comes the interesting part.  I've been trying to get better about venting.  While it might make me feel better for a little while, it could affect the person I've vent to, in this situation Rudy.  Rudy wasn't involved in my relationship with SinginInTheRain.  He heard about it from my point of view.  He never talked to SinginInTheRain to find out his side of things.  So Rudy already has an established perspective on SinginInTheRain, and it's slightly negative right now.  I don't blame him one bit for this.  He'll get to form his own opinion when we all meet up.

Oh the plus side, Rudy knows how I feel about everything.  He knows me better than anyone.  He knows my cues.  He knows when I'm overwhelmed.  He knows when I need a minute.  He knows how I shut down, and he knows what that looks like.  When I met SinginInTheRain alone, it was hard because I didn't have anyone to provide a distraction.  I was so thrown when I realized just how alike me and SinginInTheRain are.  Who knows what will happen when I meet my first mother.  It will be really nice to have someone else there who knows when I need a break and can jump into the conversation.

Rudy and I have already started talking about expectations.  Rudy isn't a mind reader, though he does know me really well.  He's also a naturally shy person, but he's able to be outgoing and friendly when he needs to be. He's another person thrown into the mix, so I need to keep that in mind.  I'm just really happy that he's agreed to come with me.  I know it's going to be really awkward for him.  And I know that it's going to be strange for my first parents, who are there to see me, and not my boyfriend.  Oh well.  I'm sure it will all work itself out.  Besides, it's probably time for him to be a more active participant.