The big question seems to be: what is it OK to blog about and what isn't? I don't have an answer for this question. I wish I did. It's not a land of black and white. It's a land filled with grays of every shade. It's a minefield and nobody it seems agrees on exactly what's OK and what crosses "the line". Because nobody really can say where that line is.
To me, adoption is very personal. It took a lot for me to open up about, and a lot to post about it on a public blog, because this is after all a public blog. I don't use real names, I keep things vague, and I don't post photographs of people. The photos that I post of myself are obscured to the point where I don't think you'd know it was me if you passed me on the street (big sunglasses anyone?). So I post publicly about a personal subject. What's fair game? It's something that I'm learning as time goes on.
My first parents don't know about this blog. I've tried to be respectful of their privacy here. I've never posted their pictures. I don't use their names. Most of the posts that reveal anything that's even close to a detail about this is located on a private blog. If one of my first parent's family members found this blog, I've done everything I can to make it so that they wouldn't be able to figure it out. I'm very careful of their privacy. But at the same time, I know it might make them feel uncomfortable to find out I was blogging about our reunion, especially my first mother who is very very private. Do I have a right to blog about what happened with her?
For me, I do think I can blog about it. I've really struggled with this however. I've questioned myself a lot about my motivations. But while I'm not perfect and sometimes I move things over to the private site, I continue to blog. It's my way of connecting with my larger community. I have connected with others who are able to help me understand what she's going through better. And I think it would be different if I used her name, if this blog was connected to me in real life, or if I was saying nasty things about her. But I try to be positive. I try to keep things neutral (though I know they aren't always). I don't call her names. I don't bash either of my first parents though sometimes I'd like to. This happened to me. I didn't have a say in it. And this is about my life and how I see it.
The thing is, adoption is a part of my life. But it's not my entire life. So sometimes I post about other things, things that aren't 100% adoption related. It happens. I'm a person, I'm human, and I want at times to show my readers that "Look! I'm a real boy!" kind of thing. I know I have a number of non-adopted readers here. Do you go out with your friends? I do to! Do you have family drama not related to adoption? I do to! Do you have trials in your life that aren't adoption related? Me too! Look! We're more alike than you think! I don't mean that meanly. It's my way of trying to connect. I hope I succeed, but I know that sometimes posts fall flat. For that, I'm sorry.
Joy had some great advice over on Joy's Division. Defiantly worth a read! Also, some other lovely ladies posted similar topics last week too... Suz at Writing My Wrongs and Lorraine on FMF. Check it out!
Good post. I think all of us would do well to follow the Golden Rule about blogging. Don't splash something about someone else all over the internet if you wouldn't want it posted about yourself. I could do better.
ReplyDeleteI think we all could Megan... I love your blog btw :-)
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