How To Respond?

I've been seriously debating what to do after I got that email.  I was so sure that he was going to apologize and he didn't.  I was so sure he'd have some sort of clue.  He didn't.  So now what happens?  I see a few options but I don't like any of them.

I could not respond.  I was leaning towards this at one point.  He'd get the point after a while.  How could he not if I just never emailed him back?  He'd start to figure things out.  I mean, he cut me off of phone calls and text messaging and then waited a week before getting back in touch with me.  He never really acknowledged that what he did was hurtful.  That it would affect me too.  He's just such a downer these days.  All he did in his email was complain about the weather, his job, the Chirstmas shopping he has to do, etc.  So just not responding is an option.  And honestly, it's the easiest way out.  But in saying that, I don't think I could go through with it.  I've read too many stories of people who just cut off contact and what that's done to the other person.  I've read hurt accounts of not knowing what they did wrong.  I don't think I could do that to someone.  I just don't think I can do it.  I'm not that kind of person.  Because while he might have an idea, he made it pretty clear that he legit has no clue how bad last week was for me.  Or maybe he knows and is trying to avoid it.  You never know.

I could send him a "hurt" email.  I ruled this one out a while back, but it's still an option.  The problem with this is that while he would know I'm mad at him, he could fight back via email and I'd never have the original offense in writing.  But he would have my response in writing.  I've learned along the way never to put anything in writing that you wouldn't want shared with the world.  So this option has been discarded.  Even though I think I would feel better for about five days or so.  It's not worth the hurt in the long run.

I could send him an email that just says that I'm finished with our relationship.  It's a very vaild option.  First of all, he'd know why I wasn't responding (because he'd know not to expect anything back).  I wouldn't have to go into detail about it.  Just let him know that I'm not happy and therefore won't be responding anymore.  The issue with this is that like the above reason; I don't have his offense in writing.  Rudy pointed that out to me.  According to him, something like that can be used against me in the future and I'd have no defense (or at least no proof anyway).  So my solution isn't really the best one probably.

Rudy actually came up with the solution I will probably go with.  He thought long and hard about it, and read the email I was sent this week.  He was a) angry that I got that type of response and b) inspired to come up with a solution.  Because the email was so cold and detached, he thinks I should respond in kind.  Keep it short, sweet, detatched, and impersonal.  No emotions.  After a few of these emails, Rudy thinks that my first father will get the point.  The reason being that most of my emails are long and involved and upbeat.  I pour my heart out into them because I type faster than I write so I'm able to get most of my thoughts down.  And I trusted my first father, remember?  So a short email that's cold and detached is very different from my normal response.  And he suggested that I wait a whole week before I send it to him.  No excuses for why I didn't write back right away (like I normally do).  It's a game.  And I hate playing games.  I like to be more honest and upfront with people.  But like Rudy said, clearly my first father is playing some games with me.  So Rudy thinks I should fight fire with fire.  And not just that, but a cold and detached email is a lot easier to write than a long drawn out one (or so he thinks).  And it will take me just a few minutes (that's how short he thinks I should keep it).  If I never get called out on it, it's minimal effort on my part to keep a minimal line of communication open.  I don't have to share anything.

I think I'll get called out on it.  And Rudy already had that figured out too.  He thinks I should write back that I'm not really looking for a pen pal and if that's all I am to him, then it's just not going to work for me.  It's slightly different from telling him off right away, because he'd actually have to ask me about it, which shows that it's not completly unprovoked.  I'm not explaining it well, but I do see the difference.

I have to think about it.  I have a few days before I hit the "week" marker anyway.  I'm so done with everything, but I can see the benefits that Rudy pointed out into maintaining minimal contact.  Besides, if I ever have the chance at a relationship with my sisters, these people are still their parents.  And it would be so challenging to have that relationship without at least being civil to their parents.  Maybe I'll learn how to move on someday.  Right now I never want to see my first father ever again.  I'm so over this.

I made a filter in my email list.  Anything coming from him or my first mother will go directly into the special file I have and skip the inbox.  So I won't know they've emailed me unless I go looking for it.  So I won't have to deal with them whenever they feel like it.  It's going to be on my terms.  And my anxiety level has gone down since I've done that.  I was freaked out before to even look at my phone, especially after NeverTooLate sent me a Thanksgiving email and it came up on my cell phone unexpectedly.

Long and involved post today.  Sorry, just needed to sort some things out.  I just wish I could move on from this whole big mess.