What Will My Future Be?

I've been thinking a lot about the future lately.  For starters, I'm a planner.  I have to plan everything out.  I need to know who I'm going to see, at what time, where, and I better have a basic idea about what we're going to be doing.  I can't stand it when people don't plan stuff out.  It drives me crazy when nobody has a general idea about what's going on.  If that happens and I'm involved, I hijack the plans and take over.  I annoy my friends and family, but that's just who I am.  Surprisingly I don't have problems with getting off of the plan as long as there is a plan in place at the beginning.  I just need to feel like I have things prepared and I have a general idea about where things are going.

The future question has come up a bunch of times lately.  I'm at a crossroads of my life right now.  I'm graduating soon and starting a new chapter of my life.  For the first time, I don't know where I'm going to be next year.  I don't know the setting (such as a academic setting).  I don't have a full time job, though I have a temporary job waiting for me if I need it.  I have three places I can live but I don't know which one I will end up at (depends on the job situation).

I'm applying to jobs but it's so stressful.  I hate going through the interview process only to get turned down.  I have so much on my plate but I have to do this now.  I have to go interview, I have to have people tell me that I'm not good enough because I haven't graduated yet, I have to deal with people who say I don't specialize in whatever because my education was general so I could do a lot of different things when I graduate.  I hate trying to win people over, feeling like I did, only to get the call later that it's not going to work out.  I wish I could just snap my fingers and have the perfect job with the perfect company, in the perfect place.  I think these days there are a lot of people out there who wish that.  I'm lucky I guess that I have at least six months before I have to pay off my loans so I have a little bit of time to figure things out.  Others aren't as lucky.

I'm tired of people asking me about the future of my relationship.  I don't know where I'm going to be living, so I don't know if I'm going to be in a long distance relationship or not.  I just know that I'm with the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with and I'll figure it out.  I'm tired of people judging me because I'm not wearing a ring yet.  If any of you are reading this... I haven't even graduated yet.  What's the rush?  We both need to grow up and learn to take care of ourselves before we try to take care of each other.  Marriage is a huge commitment and neither one of us wants to rush into it.  So please stop judging me.  I guess I'm just frustrated with the situation these days.  My boyfriend and I have had "the talk".  We have a plan.  It's me, so our course we have a plan.  We know it's going to be hard.  We know it's going to be stressful.  But we also know that both of us are willing to deal with the hard stuff because we love each other.  However, I don't feel the need to explain this to coworkers, to random friends, and to people that I don't particularly care about.  People need to learn to back off.

I'm dealing with each piece of my life individually.  I'm trying to deal with the job thing first.  Once that gets sorted out, then I will deal with the living situation.  Once that is sorted out, then I will figure out how I'm going to make my relationship work.  After that's taken care of, I'll deal with my family situation, which is starting to get pushed more to the back burner.  I can only do so much at one time.  It seems like it never just rains, it always has to pour.  I have more and more stuff that I have to deal with.  It's a good thing I deal with life better when I have more on my plate.  I'm a multitasker and I'm lucky that I work best under pressure.  I guess the other benefit is that having so much going on makes me prioritize.  I think I'm realizing things better now.  I know what's important and what's not.  I also know what needs to take priority and what doesn't need to be a big deal.  It's sort of nice to not be stressing about the family situation right now.

It's funny, but what used to be the biggest thing in my life is starting to settle down.  My family situation is starting to feel normal.  I never thought I would get to this stage.  I never thought I'd be able to feel normal about all of this again.  It's a weird feeling.  I have been waiting for this for a long time and I have a feeling it probably won't last.  I have a feeling that the next time I go to meet SinginInTheRain, or when it's time for him to meet my parents, this is going to come close to obsession again.  But right now I'm enjoying normal...

My rant is over.  Sometimes you just need to spew to feel better.  Which I do now. :-)