Trip

So I went on a trip with my adoptive mother for a week.  I had a few different reasons for going with her.  First, I love my mom and I'm always happy to spend time with her.  Next, I have been trying to make more of an effort to spend quality time with my mother in order to show her that just because I found my natural family, that doesn't mean that I love her any less.  Finally, I knew that it would be a good opportunity for the two of us to talk about things and I felt like I could get a much better perspective on how she was feeling (something that is very challenging to do over the phone.

Our trip was great.  There were some downsides (spring breakers were a bit crazy, not so great food, service wasn't all that great), but for the most part it was a really great trip.  I got to swim with dolphins, something I've always wanted to do, sit on the beach for a week, and I came back with more of a tan than a burn, so I'll call it a win.

My mom and I spent some great quality time together.  I had a fun time with her.  So my first two goals were easy.  Those were a piece of cake really.  The last one was a bit harder, but I tackeled it early before I lost my nerve.  My mom and I went for a really long walk on the beach to meet up with some friends about an hour away.  When we were walking back, she started asking me about my plans for the next month because she wanted to come and visit me.  I told her that I wasn't sure but might be coming home towards the end of the month because I wanted to meet up with my natural dad.  She then offered to come with me because I "shouldn't have to do that alone".  So I thanked her and told her that I had already met him.  She was pissed.  Not because I had met him, but because I didn't tell her.  She feels like this could drive a wedge between us because we are so close and I normally tell her everything.

I explained that I didn't tell them (my parents) because I a) needed to do it on my own for ME b) if they had even hesitated for a second when I told them, I would have canceled because I don't want to hurt their feelings c) I wanted to tell her in person and d) I needed to know that I made my decision without any outside influences.  I thought it was a pretty good explanation and I think she sort of “got it”.  She’s happy that I’m happy. 

I also told her that I felt like I would have a better relationship with my dad now too.  We are so different and I always took it so personally when he would point out those differences.  I hated that we were different, have different senses of humor, different ways of dealing with things, etc.  Now that I know where these personality traits come from, I don’t feel badly about the differences anymore.  Now that I know that it’s genetic, I know that it’s totally out of my control and just a part of the way that I’m wired.  I can’t change my blood and who I am so I need to stop trying and I need to accept the differences.  I’m starting to embrace those same differences that I hated before and I’m so much happier.

I feel like I’m getting to know the new me, the me who knows their biological family.  Meeting SinginInTheRain is one of the best things I’ve ever done.  I’m so happy that I met him and so glad that my mom knows about it now.  Goal complete!