I know there is a good chance my sisters will not want anything to do with me. I’m not naïve. However I want them to have that option. I would have loved to have a big sister growing up and I happen to think that I’m a pretty good role model. I’m an easy person to talk to, I try to be a good person, and I’m very protective of my family. If they don’t want a relationship someday, then the loss is theirs.
I have a sister and while we are not particularly close, I don’t need extra people in my life, but I’m still open to that possibility. I’m also as non-threatening of a big sister as they can get. I don’t live with them, I was raised by my parents and don’t want to compete with them for NeverTooLate and SinginInTheRain’s love. I have parents, I’m not looking for new ones, I just want to get to know my past and I’m the type of person who thinks that there’s always room for another person. The more the merrier.
At the same time, they are my sisters. As much as people may want to deny it, I am NeverTooLate and SinginInTheRain’s daughter. We share the same DNA, the same history, the same past. They have a right to that. They have a right to know about me. They have a right to know about my medical stuff, just like I now know about theirs.
It seems to me like the longer it is until they find out about me, the worse it’s going to be for everyone. I think they are going to be very upset and I don’t blame them if they are. They have been lied to their entire lives. I don’t know what that is going to feel like. I’ve been hurt by this whole experience and while I think it has made me stronger, they will be hurt by it too. They will hurt and I hate that. There really is no winning outcome here.
Sometimes it feels like my life is a movie and seeing as I'm really bad at coming up with titles, the title would be bad. This blog follows my journey through my personal adoption reunion.
I don't agree with you. I think there is a good chance that your sisters WILL want to have you in their lives!
ReplyDeleteYou are however right about them being more upset as time goes on and they are not told. They are losing precious time that they could be having a relationship with you. They could probably accept not being told as they were growing up, but I don't think that they will accept the time that has gone by now that you are in reunion with your parents.
I hope they tell the girls soon!
Thanks for the support! I hope you're right. Both Nicole and Shawn think that Kate and I will be "best friends" (their words not mine) and that Sara will resist getting to know me.
ReplyDeleteWe'll see. Hopefully they'll tell them soon.
I've enjoyed reading through your blog and just wanted to say that although I am waaaay older than you I'm actually in a similar circumstance with the sibling situation although mine are half siblings. I am in regular email communication with my bio mom and so far she hasn't told them about me. I would be the big sister, like you, and my attitude toward the whole business is very much like you described here.
ReplyDelete"I don’t need extra people in my life, but I’m still open to that possibility. I’m also as non-threatening of a big sister as they can get. I don’t live with them, I was raised by my parents and don’t want to compete with them for Nicole and Shawn’s love. I have parents, I’m not looking for new ones, I just want to get to know my past and I’m the type of person who thinks that there’s always room for another person. The more the merrier."
I too wonder how fair it is to my bio mom's kids, and grandson for that matter, but hopefully she'll be able to fess up sometime soon because I agree with you, the longer they wait, the worse it could be. I also can't help but feel bad for my bio mom. She just never thought this day would come.