Feelings of Doubt

While I had doubts and wanted to know more about my background, I couldn’t rationalize them. I had a wonderful family, one of the best. Going to college, I met people who were not as lucky as I was and I felt like I shouldn’t feel like they weren’t enough for me. Why did I want to try to find these other people when I had so many great people all ready in my life? I couldn’t understand these feelings so I decided not to deal with them. They could wait on the back burner until I had graduated, got a job, and had sort of figured out my life. It wasn’t like I really needed to find them right now anyway. And really who knew if I could even find them?


So a few years went by and unfortunately, my health took a downswing at some point and I had to go see a few specialists to figure out exactly what was wrong with me. It turns out that these super smart people can’t figure it out because they don’t know my biological family background. This wasn’t my fault or my mother’s, but somehow it was implied that I should know. Which is a valid point but not something that I had a lot of control over and certainly not something my mother could wave her hands and produce for these super smart people.  On the plus side, when I told people later that I was looking for my biological family, I said it was for medical reasons.  Who doesn’t use that as an explanation at some point or another.  It’s just easier than dealing with the judgment.  I digress….

It looked like this was something I was going to have to deal with eventually, but it was just as easy to put it behind me. So three years into college, I was getting ready for my senior year, and not thinking that everything was about to change and that is where this story gets interesting.