Backlash on Day 2

So I decided to be more open about my reunion in my everyday life.  If you didn't read the post and don't feel like it, I've decided I need less stress in my life and my family is either behind me or not.  And it's not my issue if they aren't.  I can't keep hiding it.  I talk to my first father a lot.  We talk on the phone at least once a week, but lately it's been two shorter conversations twice a week.  So things come up.  I tell him about my life, he tells me about his, and it's usually pretty relevant as to what's going on.  So sometimes things come up.  I don't instigate problems, but if it fits with the conversation I'm not going to hide who I'm talking to.

It blew up in my face last night.  I'm still proud of me though for sticking to my guns.  Here's what happened:

My sister has bedbugs in her apartment.  She didn't have to get an apartment for the school year as her school is close enough to commute, but she didn't want to live at home.  So my parents paid for her to get an apartment, even though things are a little tight now that my mom is out on disability (and not getting a full paycheck) and my dad isn't working overtime.  So now she has to deal with all of that stuff.

While talking to SinginInTheRain yesterday, I told him about the bedbug situation.  My sister was coming home for the night, and was bringing some stuff to wash.  I was a little bit worried about it because I heard that it doesn't take much for them to spread from one house to another.  Anyway, turns out SinginInTheRain's father (my grandfather) had bedbugs in his apartment.  His niece (my cousin) brought them into the first floor of the two family house and it spread throughout the whole house.  He told me what a nightmare it was to get the problem fixed.  They had to hire an exterminator, get new furniture (couch, mattresses, etc), and it was overall a huge hassle.

My sister came home and didn't really get why my dad and I were freaking out about her stuff.  He made her take everything out of her purse in the garage and put her purse, sweatshirt, and shoes in a plastic bag which was emptied into the dryer ASAP.  She went straight into the shower and put the rest of her clothes in the dryer and put it on the highest heat setting it would go.  Hopefully that killed them.  My dad and I were left in the kitchen and he asked me if I thought he should put his clothes in the dryer as well because he had been to her apartment to pick her up.  I didn't think it was a bad idea.

It was like a volcano erupted in our kitchen

So now we're talking about bedbugs.  It's a natural conversation.  And we don't know anyone else who has had to deal with this problem.  So I causally mentioned that I had talked to SinginInTheRain.  "Who?" he asked.  "My biological father" I answered.  My dad and I don't usually talk about him, but we have in the past and my dad knows I'm in touch with SinginInTheRain.  I finish my story about how expensive the exterminator was, how they had to get new furniture, and how we should be extra careful.  Then I got the lecture.

"Don't talk about those people around your mother."

"What?" (thinking I didn't hear him right)

"You heard me.  I said don't talk about those people around your mother.  You'll just upset her and she needs to be able to focus on getting better right now.  She doesn't need added stress.  So enough already."

"Dad, for starters, Mom probably wouldn't know what was going on..."

"Yes, yes she would!  You don't know what she understands and doesn't!" (She called me her sister two days ago and doesn't know my name.  She doesn't remember what she ate for breakfast an hour ago.  Yeah, ok Dad)

"Ok, fine, say she did know what was going on.  Mom and I talk about this stuff all the time.  It's not new, and it's not news to her."

"Did you not hear me?  Enough already!"

At this point the volume was pretty loud so I walked away.  I could have stayed but it wasn't worth it.  I wasn't expecting that so I didn't have my arguments ready.  I was fuming.  Absolutely fuming.  And I don't do well when I'm fuming.

My mom was upset when I told her about meeting SinginInTheRain.  She wasn't mad that I met him.  She was really happy for me.  She was upset that I didn't tell her about it.  She was mad that I kept it from her because I tell her everything, everything that is except this.  She didn't quite get that it wasn't about her, it was about me, but that's another post for another day.  After that, I started to talk to her about it more.  I would tell her funny stories SinginInTheRain had told me, let her know when I met him again (she didn't remember me telling her about it beforehand), and tried to keep her in the loop.  She never asked me to stop.  She never told me she didn't want to hear it.  In fact, she loved that I would talk to her about those things.  It took her mind off of her own problems.

So I'm not very happy that my father is trying to "gag order" me.  I woke up this morning though and realized something.  He can't.  He can put his fingers in his ears and go "La la la!" all he wants for all I care.  I know how my mom feels about this.  He doesn't because he hasn't talked to her about it.  And I'm not going to edit myself.  I'm sticking to my plan.  I'm being more open.  I'm making it not a big deal.  And he wants to be stupid about it, he's only hurting himself.  I live with my parents, but I'd gladly be kicked out.  I'd love to live on my own, but I feel like I can't now because of my mom.  I get kicked out because I won't stop talking about my first family, well, that would be just perfect for me.  I could leave string free and guilt free.

Now I have the added benefit of knowing it's just going to piss him off.  Lately I'm all for pissing him off.  He's been super controlling lately and trying to cut me out of my mom's care.  I stepped up to take care of her this summer.  Apparently he doesn't think he needs me anymore.  I'd love to go back to being a normal 23 year old.  I'd love that.  My mom doesn't remember me anyway.  I'd love to get out of the house and not deal with that on a day to day basis.  And he would be giving me a great out.  He'd be screwing himself over because a) he only has one set of hands and sometimes you need two with my mom b) he'd lose his only help with the housework c) everyone would start calling him instead of me for updates d) I organize everything... he'd be on his own with that and e) I keep track of my mom's medication (she takes seven different medication at different times on different days).  Good luck with that Dad!