Sometimes it feels like my life is a movie and seeing as I'm really bad at coming up with titles, the title would be bad. This blog follows my journey through my personal adoption reunion.
Sometimes it feels like my life is a movie and seeing as I'm really bad at coming up with titles, the title would be bad. This blog follows my journey through my personal adoption reunion.
I am sorry about all your pain and frustration over Shawn and Nicole not talking to your sisters. It's not fair that they don't think about how this effects you.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy talking to my kids about that time in my life where I was having sex at 14 years of age. Luckily, they really haven't questioned me too much on that part of my daughter's existence.
If only they could know that waiting may do more harm. When the girls are finally told about you, and then find out that you have been in your parents lives for years now, they may be very angry about those reunited years being stolen from them.
ReplyDeleteI hope that Shawn & Nicole realize that sooner is better than later. I'm so sorry that you are being kept a "secret" from your family. It's not fair to you, or to the ones who are being kept in the dark.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think one of the worst things us First parents can ever do is keep our children a "secret."
ReplyDeleteI hope someday Shawn and Nicole will realize their silence is actually hurting those they are trying to protect . . . their children. It's causing pain for you and will cause pain for your sisters when they learn they were kept in the dark for so long.
Just remember, no matter what decisions you make in the future - you do matter! You count and you deserve to know your family and have them know about you!
So much guilt seems to get piled on adoptees when they are kept a secret but I don't believe it is ever up to an adoptee to continue to push their own feelings aside when it very much involves them as well.
(((Hugs)))
birthmothertalks, thanks for your insights. This is going to sound crazy, but I never really thought about how awkward it's going to be for them to have to admit to "making a baby" when they were younger. Duh! It's another layer that I need to consider...
ReplyDeleteSusie, thanks for the support. I hope they aren't super angry, but honestly I can't really see it going any other way. Lets hope you and I are wrong...
Cassi, thank you. It's hard to remember sometimes that I matter, and it means a lot to me when someone reminds me :-)
I can relate Jenn, I really can. I had to wait for several years before my parents told my siblings but actually it didn't get official until just before my reunion trip. I guess that could be due to cultural gap... I used to think domestic adoptees (especially in the US) had it much easier compared to trans racial adoptees like myself. Now I know it isn't so, it's difficult for most adoptees... We all have our own issues. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Jenn. This must be incredibly hurtful. I just want to add to the chorus that your feelings are valid.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Kate's inability to see things beyond black and white is a reaction to something she suspects. You know what I mean? Not that that changes anything about how you feel, of course.
(Arm chair psychologist, here.)
Elle, it's nice to know I'm not alone... I always thought that domestic and international adoptees were very different. Like you I'm not so sure anymore.
ReplyDeleteCarlea, I never thought of it that way. I wonder if she does suspect something. It's an interesting point to ponder
My daughter is 3. Her sisters are 18, 21 and 22. Their other has not told them (she hid the pregnancy, at age 40) It is my suspicion that my daughter's mother is just hoping they figure it out, and she won't have to summon the strenghth and words to tell them. She cannot face the anger. Meanwhile, my daughter and her sisters are missing out on a relationship and I am sick over it. When my daughter asks for help to contact them, I will. ~T
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