Battleship

I asked my boyfriend what he thought about my reunion as someone from the outside looking in.  He's been with me the whole way.  He listens to me bitch and complain at midnight.  He holds me when I need to feel like somebody loves me.  And he reads the emails and text messages that I get and trying to help me figure it all out.  He's amazing.  Plus he gets that this is about me.  He's never once asked me why do I bother.  He's never once acted like this was just a phase.  And he's never once acted like it doesn't matter to me.  He gets it and gets that it's about me.  He's not adopted.  His mother's second cousin was adopted (not happy about it at all) but other than that has not other connection to adoption except me.

His take on my question was truly insightful.  Possibly one of the best analogies I've heard yet.  I asked him what reunion looked like to him and after thinking about it for a minute, he told me that it's like a game of Battleship.  You drop a "bomb" blindly and hope that it hits the mark.

Those bombs are not all bad things.  They could be understanding, they could be a connection, they could be anything really.  When entering a reunion, you never know what's going to happen.  You go in blind.  Every reunion is different.  Every adoptee, first mother, and adoptive parents has a different story.  No matter how many people you talk to, not matter how much research you do, no matter how hard you try to prepare, you truly go in blind.  We all do.  When it comes to adoption, NOTHING can prepare you.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't try.  I'm merely pointing out that every situation is different.

We go in blind and we hope for the best.  Natural parents hope their children end up with good loving people.  Sometimes that bomb hits it's mark, sometimes it doesn't.  Adoptive parents hope they do what's best for their kids.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  Adoptees going into reunion hope they have a family who will accept them.  Sometimes they do, sometimes that particular bomb doesn't even come close.

I think that it's an interesting analogy.  It's made me think about things from an outside perspective.  It also makes me think that maybe we all have a lot more in common than we think...