Sometimes it feels like my life is a movie and seeing as I'm really bad at coming up with titles, the title would be bad. This blog follows my journey through my personal adoption reunion.
Sometimes it feels like my life is a movie and seeing as I'm really bad at coming up with titles, the title would be bad. This blog follows my journey through my personal adoption reunion.
I just started reading your blog and read the parts of your story to catch up without reading every post.
ReplyDeleteNicole's story is close to mine when it comes to getting pregnant and not telling anyone, but I did tell my daughter's father and he chose to either not believe me or pretend it wasn't so. I don't catch how old Nicole was then but I was 15 years of age. My mother who I lived with didn't notice that I was pregnant either.
When she found out the day, I went into labor she insisted on adoption.
I am not standing up for her but secrets are hard to let out. My daughter was a secret from everyone for a long time. I didn't even tell my oldest son but his father did during a divorce because he thought he knew. There is a lot of shame and guilt. However, for me it wasn't about being unmarried. It was because I didn't take care of my daughter. I didn't do my job as a Mother and raise her. I gave her to strangers and I wasn't proud of it. It was a closed adoption, as in they weren't sharing anything about her so talking about my daughter just wasn't something I cared to do. What did I have to talk about? I knew nothing.
There is a chance that Nicole hasn't wanted to share you with others. I have had to deal with that with my daughter in reunion. I want her all to myself but I can't do that.
I read the letter you wrote to her and that would have been a very hard thing to handle. I understand your need to write it though. I personally haven't had to deal with any of the hard stuff because so far my daughter expressed much of anything when it comes to her feelings. She has said that she never thought much about being adopted and even though we have met she doesn't seem too interested in getting together often.
I hope Nicole comes around sometime in the future for you. I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes. But I do have an idea on some of the things your birthmom has been through.
Thanks for your comment. This is why I love blogging. I get to hear from people who make me rethink things.
ReplyDeleteFirst, Nicole was 21 when she had me. It's hard because 21 is not 15, which I think it easier to understand. She was out of school and trying to figure out her life. She had been to college and dropped out at this point. But 21 is still very young...
I think that you are correct in that she didn't want to share me. I was "her" thing and "her" deal and she didn't want to share that with Shawn. And I think that the shame and guilt are eating her up inside. I really hope she finds a way to get some help...
I hope that someday I get to meet her. I hope that she expresses to me similar things that you wrote about. Thanks again for giving me another perspective. It really does mean a lot!