Sometimes it feels like my life is a movie and seeing as I'm really bad at coming up with titles, the title would be bad. This blog follows my journey through my personal adoption reunion.
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Sometimes it feels like my life is a movie and seeing as I'm really bad at coming up with titles, the title would be bad. This blog follows my journey through my personal adoption reunion.
You are right, sometimes it is hard to communicate by emails or letters. It seems that feelings have to be somewhat "over explained" to make a point.
ReplyDeleteFrom what you said a few times, your mother sounds somewhat selfish (in your comments about it being all about her). And now believing that your intention was to hurt her!
Maybe it would help you to make up some scenario's in your mind about her! I'm sure that growing up you imagined her in so many ways and possibly put her on a pedestal at times. I'm adopted too and I had never imagined in any of my "pretending" about her that she wasn't a nice person. I think that we grow up with such a false image over the years that we can be shocked when the person isn't the kind that we imagined.
You sound a lot like me, although I'm much older! Just with you working so hard, striving for excellence, etc. I did the same growing up because I thought that being good was the way to be sure that my adoptive parents loved me. Never worked but I tried!
Maybe when you're ready, you want to write something to her totally from your heart. No re reading it, no friend to proof read, no judgments on it, just your heart. Don't write it with the intention of giving it to her, just let it all out. That writing is good for the soul. Not saying that you will never give it to her but when you don't put guards on your writing the emotions are more pure.
I wish you the best.
That's an awesome suggestion Suzanne! I just might do that. As always, it's great not to feel so alone. It's comments like this that help me great through the bad stuff :-)
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