Sometimes it feels like my life is a movie and seeing as I'm really bad at coming up with titles, the title would be bad. This blog follows my journey through my personal adoption reunion.
Sometimes it feels like my life is a movie and seeing as I'm really bad at coming up with titles, the title would be bad. This blog follows my journey through my personal adoption reunion.
Awwww I am so sorry that your having a hard time. I understand about the two way street. My daughter has been really distant too and it's so sad. I haven't told all my family about my daughter or have I been really open with the reunion. It's kind of scary because I don't know where time will take us and I really don't want to admit that things aren't going well. I guess I am afraid of being judged and I will get a big I told you so kind of thing. Reunion is so hard. I wish I had advice but I just don't have any.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, Jenn. How can we have a real relationship with someone who won't even admit we exist to other people in our family?
ReplyDeleteIm sick of the excuses from n family members. There is NO excuse. It's almost as if they don't think we are human beings. I can "almost" understand them not talking about us when we are babies. There is no point if they don't know where we are. But when we find them, the secrecy should go away.
@birthmother talks-it could be that your daughter is sick of the excuses too? You're going to derail all chances of having a good relationship with your daughter if she knows you are not being honest about her. It's one thing to be discreet, it's a totally different story to willingly keep her a secret from the rest of her family. (if that is what you are doing)
Linda, well you have only a little bit of my story because this is just a comment about how I feel about sharing my feelings about reunion with my daughter. My whole family as in Mom, Dad, sisters and brother knows about my daughter and reunion but I admit that I personally didn't tell my Mom because I just don't want to share her with the person who forced an adoption on me. My daughter knows that my Mom hasn't ever talked about her since she was born. I live in the same area as my daughter and I have never said we can't meet here or there for fear people would spot us. The only thing close was to saying that my husband didn't want to meet her for the first time at his place of work. He is a waiter. My daughter met my sister, my sons and well I just don't think I hide her. I have made hints to her coming over to watch her favorite movie. I hope she knows she is welcome in almost anything we do but I won't keep asking her because I don't want to pressure her.
ReplyDeleteI think you are wrong. I think Shawn DOES owe you something. He owes you answers, respect and he owes you honesty.
ReplyDeleteIs it hard to tell people about a part of yourself you have hidden for decades? Yes ~ but he's an adult, he's a father. Suck it up and do whatever you need to do for your child. He was not in a place to be able to parent you when you were born, but he is certainly in a place where he can be a father to his adult daughter. He owes it to you to take you out of the closet.
I wish he knew how lucky he is to have a daughter who loves him and wants to be a part of his life. I would give anything to have my son want that with me.
Thanks for explaining, @birthmothertalks. There are a lot of first Moms who are still shrouded in this damaging secrecy, and it hurts not only us, but themselves.
ReplyDeleteLinda - Thanks for the support. What I don't get in this whole thing is why can't they open up now that I've gotten in touch? It's annoying...
ReplyDeleteBirthmothertalks - Thanks for sharing! I'm glad that you have told others in your family about your reunion. You don't need to proclaim it to the world, but letting those closest to you know is wonderful for your daughter. And I think it's great that you seem to be putting her needs in front of your own. I think you rock like that!
Susie - You rock too. It always amazes me when others see things about my situation more clearly than I do. It means a lot to me! Thanks for the confidence boast!