One Year Reunion Anniversary!

One year ago today I met my first father for the first time.  He was the first relative that I ever met who was biologically related to me.  It was the first time I'd ever seen someone I looked like.  I saw my features in his face and noticed my own mannerisms reflected back at me.  I saw bits and pieces of my personality in his stories.  I finally knew what people had been talking about all those years about the apple not falling far from the tree when describing family relationships.  Nobody had ever said that about me.  Clearly I was his daughter through and through.

I'll never forget that feeling.  I will never forget how overwhelming yet wonderful everything was.  I'll never forget the time that we spent together, getting to know one another, and the time that we spent laughing together.  Once I got over the initial shock (and it was a soul shaking shock), I had the best time of my life.

In the days, weeks, and then months that followed, I let the visit sink in and started to recover.  That's really the only way I can describe it.  It felt like a dream at the time, and I had to unravel everything that had happened.  I wasn't the same person I used to be anymore, and I had to get to know the new me.  I had made some huge realizations that shook me to my core.  After all of those years not knowing where my personality and quirks came from, I finally had a much better idea and it rocked me.  I was no longer ashamed of what I had considered flaws.  It took seeing those same things in another person and realizing they weren't flaws, more like quirks, to realize that maybe it was OK to like myself.  Maybe I could cut myself some slack.  For the first time ever, I started to like myself for me.  I saw who I was in the mirror, not the slightly out of reach version of myself that I thought I had to be.  I was just me.  Flaws and all.  Quirks and all.  And it felt so good.

As more time went by, things settled down.  I learned to live with this new idea of who I am and this new sense of identity.  It became a part of who I am, something that I learned over time to accept.  I'm not there 100%, but I'm getting there.  It's a journey.

We've met twice since after that first meeting a year ago today.  I even saw my first father on my birthday, a wonderful gift!  He's seen my hometown and we've laughed in the mall (which looking back was a really bad place to meet up seeing as neither one of us really likes shopping).  I will always have those memories, no matter how things are going forward.  Things may not have turned out the way I wanted them too, but that's just life for you.

As I prepare to meet my first mother, I can't help but think of all the unexpected ways my life changed after meeting my first father.  I'm more excited I think than nervous.  If this past year has been any indication, I know that the journey will be one worth taking, obstacles and all.

What a year!