Being in "Adoption Shape"

I'm getting there

Every day, I take another step forward.  Some days, it feels like I'm getting nowhere.  I feel sometimes like I'm stuck on the treadmill, running but getting nowhere.  It can be a frustrating feeling at times, to wonder what the point is.  I go for a run on the treadmill and I am tired.  I'm hot because it's next to the boiler.  I'm sore because I'm still getting into shape.  Not in pain, but still a bit sore.  And everything feels the same when I go on with my life, I'm just a more tired version.

But.  There is a major but here.  I did accomplish something.  A lot actually.  For starters, I'm working towards a goal.  I'm trying to stick with it.  I'm trying to finish something.  And every time I get on that treadmill, I'm getting a little closer to my goal.  Yes, I'm sore and tired.  But that's a good thing.  Because it means that I'm making progress.  I might be running in place, but I'm still running.  I'm a little stronger every day.  I go just a bit further, run just a bit longer, and improve just a little bit.  I just need to keep at it.  Maybe one day there will come a day when I don't hurt as much, or I don't get as tired as quickly.  That would be fantastic.  But I need to put in the work now.  I need to start somewhere.  And once the weather is a bit nicer, I'll be running outside.  I'll see where I'm going and will be able to look back where I've been.

This is a lot like my adoption process.  I've been hurt.  I've been tired.  And some days I really don't want to deal with all of this.  There are days when I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.  My first mother hasn't agreed to meet me.  My siblings don't know about me (heck, nobody knows about me in my first family).  It's frustrating.  But then I take a look back and see how far I've come.  Every email, every book, every blog post... Those are my days on the treadmill.  And each one of those things helps me get a little bit stronger.  I need to put in the work now.  I'll be dealing with this my whole life.  This is one thing that won't go away no matter how much I ignore it.  So if I do the work now, I'll be in shape for the hard things on the horizon.  I'll be in better "adoption shape" for when I have children.  I'll be in better "adoption shape" for when I lose my adoptive parents.  I'll be in better "adoption shape" for dealing with relationships with people in general.  All of these things are huge triggers that I've been warned about by some fabulous people.  I can't make those things any easier.  And they're going to be hard.  There's not much I can do about that.  But I can get into good "adoption shape".  I can exercise my adopted self and hope that I'm on the right training program.

I'm very proud of me for making it this far with my exercising.  And its helping me in more ways than one.  Wish me continued luck!