Follow Up: NeverTooLate

Thank you all for your support these last few weeks.  I've gotten lots of feedback (and not just here).  I was really nervous last week about posting about potentially forcing NeverTooLate's hand.  I was afraid of what a lot of first mothers and adoptive parents would think about that idea.  I figured that no first mother would think it was a good idea.  And that adoptive parents would say to err on the side of caution.  It was really mind blowing to me when it seemed like everyone was behind me.  And everyone was on my side!  I don't typically get that in my life.  My mom is amazing, but she never took my side before.  My aunts are great (and are the new role models in my life) but they never took my side either.  Everyone in real life has been telling me to be patient.  And to wait.  And that I don't have a right to barge into her life.  So it was different for me to see that at least a few people think that I deserve to have the opportunity to meet my first mother on my terms.

It also blew me away that so many people took the time to comment and email me.  It showed me that random strangers (well, not super random and not exactly "strangers" anymore) cared enough to reach out and offer words of support and helpful suggestions.  It really means/meant a lot to me!

So I wanted to say thanks.  As I said before, I'm not in a position to make that move right now.  But I'm hoping to be in a better place by the summer.  And I'm not letting anyone stop me once I make up my mind.  I don't care if my first father flips out.  I don't care in my first mother never wants to see me again afterward.  I want to move forward with my life, and the only way I can do that is to meet her.

For now, I'm shelving this.  I've got loads of stuff going on right now.  I'm hoping that some stuff works itself out, I work out some other stuff, and I can get to a better place.  Once that happens (and some of it is completely dependent on other people), then I'm going to write my first mother an email and let her know how I feel.  I'm going to tell her why I want to meet her, and why I'd rather not wait.  I'm going to flat out ask her to meet me.  And I'm going to send it and see if she responds.  I'm going to give her a month to write me back.  If she doesn't respond or responds badly, then I'm going to either show up, or try to email her one more time and tell her that she can either meet me in a way that works for her, or I'll just show up.  I haven't decided yet, and I'll probably figure it out based on the response.  We'll see.

Should it come down to me just showing up, I don't think I'll go to their house.  Sandlot is 14.  She'll be 15 over the summer, but she's still very young.  And my maternal grandparents live in the same house, just a different apartment.  And I don't want to deal with them right now.  So showing up at the house probably would be a horrible horrible idea.  I know where she works, so I could always show up there.  Problem in that is that she's afraid she'll lose her job if they find out about me (oh the joys of being Catholic).  So she could flip out A LOT if I show up at her work, even if I claim to be a niece (which I could do if I meant I got to meet her).  But I do have options.  Lots of options.  So we'll see.  I'll figure it out eventually.  Like I said, it's going on the mental shelf right now and it will be pulled out again, probably in a few months.

Thank you again for reading and commenting and emailing.  I so honestly appreciate it!  You guys are the best!