Apology Email

So I wrote yesterday's post on Friday so that I could take a break for the weekend and go away for a mini-vacation with my school family.  I had a wonderful talk with my school Mommy on Saturday night.  I told her what's been going on and she helped me to figure a lot of things out.  She had some amazing advice for me.  She told me that I was taking on too much.  It's too much for a normal person to handle.  So she suggested that I take a break from things for a while and focus on myself.  She could see that I'm not doing to well with the whole reunion and other issues, and she wants me to take better care of me.

So I decided that I'm going to make a huge effort to do that from here on out.  She liked that I made it so that my emails wouldn't come through to my inbox.  She liked that I was going to deal with my reunion in small doses rather than big disappointing ones.  And she got 100% why I was upset.  I love my school Mommy.

So we had this lovely talk.  And when I woke up the next morning, I checked my special folder one more time to say goodbye in a way for a little while.  I wasn't planning on it, but I needed to put it to rest so I could really make a fresh start.  And naturally there was an apology email in there, that had been sent the morning before.

My first mother it seems stood up for me.  SinginInTheRain told NeverTooLate what had gone down between us (I'm guessing this happened Friday night).  She told him he was an idiot.  She explained that there were other solutions.  He could delete text messages.  Ask that I only text him while he's at work.  The light bulb went off and he knows he's an idiot.  He said he was sorry.  He explained that he's new to this and it's hard for him.  He understood if I didn't want to talk to him.

Wow.  I was amazed.  It was exactly what he should have sent a week earlier.  But at least he sent it.  And my first mother stood up for me.  That was pretty amazing too.  Because I don't trust her I'm inclined to think she had an ulterior motive (as long as I'm talking to one of them they have the upper hand) but I can pretend for a little bit.

I emailed him back yesterday morning.  I thanked him for the email and told him I appreciated the apology.  I explained that yes I had been hurt and that it had taken me a long time to trust him.  So it was a double wammy for me.  I also explained that I have a lot going on right now, and I'm not in a great place.  I asked him to give me a little space for now and maybe we can try the email thing and see how it goes.  I asked him what he thought about that, and hit send.

We'll see.  I can't text him right now.  Just the idea hurts too much.  And I have so much going on.  I'm making some changes in my life regarding my boyfriend.  I can't deal with boyfriend drama and reunion drama at the same time.  Add to this that my sister moved home for good this past weekend.  That's a blog post in itself.  I have a funny feeling I'll be moving out by Spring.  The point is, it's too much for right now.  It's too much right before the holidays.  We've given up on the decorations.  It's not going to happen this year.  We'll probably get a tree, but it won't be the same as usual.  I've got two more gifts to buy and the shopping will be done, but everything needs to be wrapped.  And soon.

Too much drama, too much to handle, and not enough time in the day to figure it all out.  So I'm putting my reunion on the back burner for the rest of the month.  I think it can sit for a month.  And honestly I don't know how to handle it.  There's no possibility of a phone call those weeks either.  My first father is going to be off for the last week or so, which means no calls, texting, or emails anyway.

I'm wiped out...