Coming Apart

The Kitchen Sink

Wow Jenn.  That's an... interesting photo you have there.  Is that the kitchen sink?

Good eye!  It is the kitchen sink!  And it's coming apart...

My grandparent's kitchen sink was about to explode a few months ago.  Like it was coming apart faster than they could tie rags to it to hold everything together.  Even without the sink "on" water would fly everywhere to the point where they nearly had to shut off the water flow completely to the kitchen.  For my grandparents, this was not only a pain, it also became a huge problem as they wash all their dishes by hand.  Not having a kitchen sink was not an option for them and they had to get a new facet ASAP.

What does this have to do with adoption?  Good question!  It has a lot to do with adoption.  More specifically, it has a lot to do with my recent reunion.

When I was adopted, there was a little hole in the facet.  It was easily patched and everyone moved on with their lives, for a while.  I lived with my adoptive parents, who cared and raised me, and my first parents went on with their lives as if I hadn't been born (or at least they tired).  I went to school, made friends, took ballet lessons, and they got married, had other children, changed jobs, etc.  My adoptive parents got to raise a child, something they had always wanted to do, and my larger adoptive family got another member.  Things seemed to be going really well for a while.  The leak was patched.

And then I started to get older and I started to wonder about my first parents.  I wanted to know who they were, why they put me up for adoption, and where I came from.  My adoptive parents didn't have those answers, and tried to patch up my questions by adding another layer.

What if they don't want to be found?

You could ruin their lives you know.

You already have a family.  Why not be happy with them/us?

On and on it went.  The patches continued.  And we went on with our lives, but the patches weren't holding up as much.  As for me, it became pretty clear that my adoption story was being covered up by all of these obscuring pieces of cloth trying to hold the dam back.

Turning off the "water", or the fact that I was adopted, wasn't an option for me.  I've always known I was adopted, and I couldn't change that fact.  No matter how badly I wanted to, it just wasn't possible for me to make believe that I was my parents biological daughter.  I wish that I could be so many times.  But I'm not.  And I will never be.  So I have to find another solution.

Entering into reunion, was my way of starting over.  It was my way of getting a new facet.  And while not perfect (there are still a few leaks in the new facet), I feel like my identity as a person is much more solid now.  I feel as though things are going better for me to the point where I'm not afraid to turn the water on.  It's a work in progress, but I don't take a bath anymore when exploring those issues.  I still get "wet" and emotional from time to time.  I still hurt from time to time.  But overall, I'm so happy that I'm not dealing with the bad patches and the makeshift sink.  I deserve better.

PS- Happy birthday Rudy!