 |
| My Identity Is Top Secret |
I've been thinking lately about my adoptive grandmother. As a backstory, I have three living grandparents from my adoptive family. My paternal grandfather died five years ago and I miss him very much. We were very close and he was a huge part of my life. Nobody else in my family got the way my mind worked, only him. I would come to him with a wild idea and he would sit down with me and help me translate it into real life. If circumstances had been different for him in life, he would have been an engineer. His mind just worked that way. Not that I'm not incredibly proud of him. I am. I'm proud my grandfather worked on the alarms for Boston Fire Department. He had a very noble job. And he worked hard to support his family. But his mind worked a certain way, and mine was similar.
My maternal grandparents are amazing people. They raised eight children and have an awesome family. We're all very close to each other, and I think that's saying a lot. I haven't always seen eye to eye with them (they come from a different generation) but I love them despite that. They are there for me in whatever way they can be, and as I gotten older, we've become a lot closer. I don't know what I would do without them these days. A while back, I told them I had found my first family. I didn't give them details, but shared I had found them in order to get medical information. They were very quiet (which I expected) and I let them know what was going on without sharing too much with them. They don't want to know. I get that and respect it 100%. They don't know that I've met my first father. We haven't talked about my reunion in a long time. It's not that I'm not willing to be open about it, I just don't want to shove it down their throats. And if they ask, or if it were to come up naturally, I'd tell them. I feel I can be open with them.
My paternal grandmother is a different story. I love her to death. I do. But she can be a challenging person to deal with. I have lived with her off and on since my grandfather died. I spend weekends there now and then (and now that she has wireless, I'll probably be spending a lot of weekends there in the future). She gives me a nice place to escape to. However, ever since my grandfather died, she's been different. My grandmother has a lot of time on her hands. And she knows how to use the phone. So if there's any type of news ever, she's on the phone sharing it with others. And she tends to spin things her own way. She leaves out key details to make things look horrible for whoever has pissed her off the most lately. As her family, we know this and know to double check things. But others don't always know this and we've often had to clean up her messes. She's an old lady and I don't think she always does it on purpose, but it happens.
I used to be scared of this. I know how my grandmother feels about my adoption. She's the only one who remembers my adoption date. She sends me cards on the day my a-parents brought me home. She tells me all the time how thankful she is that I came into her life. I don't see her being happy about me finding my first family. I decided not to tell her and asked my family members not to say anything to her. They all agreed. My adoptive parents were very supportive of everything, but they asked me not to tell my grandmother. And my aunts and uncles all asked the same thing. So out of respect for them, I haven't told her. But I've also decided not to keep it a secret anymore. I've been spending less time at her house because I don't want her to see a text message, or overhear a phone call between me and my first father. I've decided this needs to stop. If she sees something, then she can ask about it. And I'll explain as best I can. But I won't lie. My family will just have to deal with it.
I'm tired of treating this like a secret. It's not good for me. I'm too stressed out about it. So I'm taking that stress off the table. The chips will fall where they may. I won't instigate anything, but I won't lie about it either. From this day on, I'm being 100% open. No more weirdness, no more awkwardness, and no more hiding things. Welcome to the new age of Jenn's life. Enjoy the ride.
Good for you!!!
ReplyDeleteWonderful! How freeing that must feel for you. I hope if she ever does find out that she will react much differently than everyone thinks she will.
ReplyDelete