Online Communities

I’ve heard a few people go after a particular online community. They say that this group of anti-adoption adoptees goes after people and that they are a huge negative force when it comes to adoption. I’ve heard people give warnings about the “usual crowd” and warn Potential Adoptive Parents about the negative comments they may receive on their blogs and I’ve heard that they really shouldn’t be listened to. Now I’m not 100% sure if I’m considered to be a part of that group. I’m leaning more and more towards anti-adoption because I believe there are other options out there that could work similarly to adoption without the negatives (another post for another day). But I’m not super vocal about it and I don’t seem to attract the ire of these people. Or maybe I have and I just don’t know it. People haven’t been super vocal over here because I’m not followed by millions of people. Though my page views have been going up these days…

So I’m not sure if I’m counted in this group or not. It doesn’t really matter to me. I happen to think that most of these people are amazing. They have the courage to speak out against something that they believe down to their core is wrong. Something that I’m coming to believe is true to my core as well. They are used to being shut down, told to be quiet, ignored, and dismissed. Are they loud? Hell yes! They have to be in order to be heard above the din of all the happy, pro-adoption people. They are a minority because adoptees are minorities. There are two adoptive parents (in most cases) and two natural parents to every adoptee. And adoptees feel very differently about adoption. Some are happy about it, some are not. Feelings change. I used to be happy about it, now I see the shades of gray.

This group has to be loud. Other issues have loud opponents on each side. And the sides are more balanced. Not the case in adoption. There are so few anti-adoption people who have the courage to speak out. They are out there, but need to be loud. Most people are uneducated about adoption. Most of my friends are absolutely clueless about some of the adoption issues and they have no clue when I try to explain. If the general public was made aware of what really happens when a mother surrenders and what happens to the paperwork, then maybe people would feel differently. If the general public heard some of the horror stories (and they are starting to hear some of them) then maybe things would be different. But adult adoptees have to fight a battle without too much support.

What everyone needs to accept about adoption is that adoptees have the least amount of power. We never even had a chance. Nobody ever gave us a choice. And I’m not talking about BSE mothers; I’m talking about mothers after the BSE, like NeverTooLate, who did have a choice. She had a choice, my adoptive parents had a choice, and I did NOT have a choice. But I do now. I can choose to speak out, along with my fellow adult adoptees.