Found: First Thoughts

I recently finished reading Jennifer Lauck's Found for the book tour.  I'm going to save a lot about this for the book tour post, which will be coming in January.  But there are a few things that I wanted to say first.

For starters, I couldn't make it through the first chapter without crying.  Yes, I went there.  I had to put the book down and I'll admit to not picking it up again for several weeks.  It was amazing to read, but so hard to get through because I haven't met my first mother and understood exactly what Ms. Lauck was talking about in terms of a lack of connection.

Then all the drama happened with my first father.  And as far as I was concerned, my reunion was over.  I was devastated.  I considered dropping out of the book tour.  It was too hard.  It was too much.  But something made me stop from sending that email and waiting a few days.  I had training at work the next week and due to the location of the training, I was on my own for lunch.  So I threw Found in my bag and figured if I had time, I'd do some reading and give it a try.  If it didn't work out, it didn't work out.

I spent the next few days with my nose buried in those pages during my lunch breaks and after work.  I read the book in three days in my spare time.  I had to put it down a few times and walk away, but I couldn't stay away.  There were several parts where I swear it was like Ms. Lauck was in my head and had read my innermost thoughts.  I understood so much of this book because I felt some of those same emotions.

I had it easy compared to Ms. Lauck, but the basic feelings of abandonment, the need to know the past, and the feeling of constantly searching for something more are things that I fight with everyday.  I belong to a forum of mostly adult adoptees (though we do have several other members of the so called triad on there, as well as a few others).  I love that forum for the same reason that I loved this book.  The act of hearing other stories and thoughts of others who are adopted makes me feel less alone.  We're all in this together in a way.  We support each other, get each other through.  By reading books like Found and others, we realize that we aren't alone.  We aren't fighting this battle alone.  There are others fighting it with us.

No two adoptees feel the same way about adoption.  And we all have different stories.  We have different experiences.  But sometimes, we find someone who we can relate to.  I can't wait for January now!