Out of My Rut

What an interesting week.  Last week, everything I touched turned to poop.  I was super stressed, and it seemed that everything I tried failed.  It didn't matter if it was professional, personal, whatever.  I wasn't in a good place.  I had a feeling the week wasn't going to be so great because I was expecting a crash after my birthday.  Whatever.

So I had a shitty week.  It happens.  And then things started to get better.  I cleaned.  I organized.  I took pictures.  I not only talked to one of my best friend's in Africa, but I got an email from the other.  I got an email from my first father after a month of silence on that front.  My email book was delivered over a week early.  I got to pick out new furniture for my room.  I got to put together a few nice gifts for people.  I got to hang out with my family who always makes me laugh.  I put together my mother's family tree and discovered a few interesting things.  And I felt like my life was a lot more organized.

It's amazing to me how things can go so badly one week, and bounce back so quickly.  I can feel so out of it and only a week later, I'm feel more like my old self.  I'm not there 100% (I did have a minor freak out the day KungFuPanda got into college and I couldn't share that moment with her) but I'm getting there.  I seriously hate this stupid month, but I've made a few decisions.  I'm asking about the whole letting me out of the closet thing.  I think that's part of the reason I've been having such a rough time lately.  I don't like things hanging over my head.  I want to know what's going on.  And if it hasn't been decided yet, then I'm letting my first father know that I want to know when it's been decided.  I don't like feeling like a spectator in my life.  I want to be a participant.

It's funny but by shifting my attitude and making a decision, my whole body feels better.  I feel like this giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  I feel freer.  I'm taking my life back.  I want to be happy.  I want to feel peace.  I want to feel like my life is my own.

When I was cleaning, I found a card in an old wallet.  It's a card I used to carry around with me until I changed purses and it didn't make it over to the new purse.  It helped me to get out of my most recent rut.  I figured I'd share it here with you:

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

~Mary Stevenson

So I hope that none of my readers are stuck in a rut.  But if you are, I have confidence that you'll pull yourself out.