I can't believe how far we've come in a year. We started with emails, added phone calls, and we've met twice. Things aren't always perfect, but its working for me right now. It's also a year since I've semi-ended contact with my first mother. I say semi-ended because I do hear from her from time to time. It's usually around holidays and most of the time it's me reaching out to her, but it's at least something, which is better than nothing. I miss her and I wish things were better, but it is what it is and I can't change that. Not right now anyway. Maybe things will get better for us someday.
I can't believe how far I've come over the past year. A year ago, I was still in a place where I felt as if I was betraying my adoptive family by searching. It was something that I had to do, but I wasn't able to be open with any of them. I have since told my family about my reunion, it's become less of a big deal, and I have no problem sharing that part of my life with others (except for my grandmother - another story for another day).
I've become more open, I've been working on my issues, and I've been recognizing when I'm triggered. I know not to watch certain movies, I understand when things are triggering and I'm able to take a step back and realize when I'm overreacting. I have a long way to go in what I'm considering a "recovery" period, and I'm still adjusting at times. I have bad days for sure, but I'm noticing that they are fewer and father between. I'm much more secure in myself, and I'm much more secure in my reunion. All and all, things are going a lot better for me than they were a year ago.
It's been a wild ride. Yet it's something I wouldn't trade for the world. I'm a firm believer that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm a much stronger person now that I ever was. I know I can take a lot of crap and deal with things that most people don't have to deal with, and come out on the other side mostly in one piece. I've also learned when to take a step back when it's too much. I still have a lot to learn, but I'm slowly getting there.
Thanks for reading!
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| Note: Facebook deleted the message so this is all I have, a copy in a word file. |
Thanks for sharing this post. It's been almost a year since I met my daughter. It was on Halloween day. That holiday will never be the same again for me.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad things feel positive for you. I can only imagine how difficult it can be to manage so many relationships, especially considering your first parents are married and have other children together. You seem to handle it very well, despite the many conflicting and difficult emotions, and I truly admire you.
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