Frequently Asked Questions

I found a great resource that has loads of ideas for blog posts. This is one of them that I haven't done so I figured it's a good way to start. The following is a list of frequently asked questions that I've received in my life. They aren't all from blogging, more from real life. And I get asked these questions A LOT!

Q: Do you mind answering questions about adoption?

A: No, I don't. If those questions are asked in a respectful way. I understand that it is a small percentage of the population that is adopted. There's a large portion that is connected somehow to adoption. For every adoptee there are two biological parents and two (probably) adoptive parents. Each one of these four (probably) people has a family. And sometimes there are siblings involved, either adoptive or biological. Now add in all of the friends of each person connected to the adoption. That's a lot of people. Never mind the adoptee who goes on to make friends (hopefully) and maybe has a family someday of their own. Lots and lots of people become connected to adoption per adoptee. So while we are small population of adoptees, there's a lot of people out there who's hairdressers cousin adopted a baby (who by the way is always happy about their adoption and therefore all adoptees should be and this makes that person an expert in the field). So I guess I can understand the curiosity. If someone is willing to be respectful about it, I'll answer questions. If they aren't, then I start asking questions back. "What's it like to be adopted? Isn't it weird? I would hate to be adopted!" My answer: "I don't know, what's it like not be adopted? I can't imagine actually being related to some of YOUR nasty relatives so tell me what THAT'S been like?"

Q: When did you find out you were adopted?

A: I don’t remember the first time my parents told me. It was just something that was always there. My mother made a scrapbook of pictures from my adoption process and wrote it like a children's book. She would read it to me before bedtime and we would look at all the pictures. The whole "story" was there. When I was two and a half, my parents started the process of adopting my younger sister. It took nearly a year to complete that process (we had to move, meet with social workers, etc.) and I had a much better idea about what adoption was. I understood that I didn't grow in my mommy's tummy and that I had a birthmommy out there somewhere who in theory loved me. As I got older, it was just a part of how our family was created. Our family was just like other people's families, only I didn't look just like my parents and my parents were a little bit older than some of the other parents. It wasn't a big deal, it just was what it was.

Q: Why were you given up for adoption?

A: Somehow this question gets asked a lot, even before I was in reunion. Pre-reunion, I would tell people that my mother was very young and she wanted me to have a mommy and a daddy instead of just a mommy. I would leave out the poor part, even though that's what my parents told me. "She was young and poor. She knew you deserved a better life than she could give you." Post-reunion, I tell people that it was a complicated situation. My parents (yes I include them both now) were young and weren't sure of the direction they wanted to go in life. They didn’t feel it was fair to a child to get stuck in the middle while they figured things out. And I like to add that my father's parents weren't married and he wanted me to have married parents, something that he always wanted. It's a complicated question, yet a question that people love to ask.

Q: If you're adopted, why do you look like your dad?

A: This question I don't get so much now. My adoptive dad and I both have dark hair. We both tan in the summer. So after a summer where we're both tan, my dad and I somewhat would look alike. You wouldn't look at him and then look at me and see a connection, but people look really hard for what they want to see. I've noticed that most people would try to find a family resemblance where there isn't one, and would then get offended after they've convinced themselves that "No they DO look alike!" Not really sure why this is. Let me clarify. My dad's hair is light brown. Mine is nearly black. He has hazel eyes that change color depending on his mood and the weather. Mine are so dark they are nearly black. My dad has a peanut shaped head. Mine's more square. I tan darker than he does. We have none of the same facial structure. His ears are smushed to his head. Mine stick out a little bit. Basically, we don’t look alike. But people look for that connection and then think I'm trying to pull a fast one on them when I tell them I'm adopted. No my dad did not cheat on my mom and then make her raise his lovechild. I really am adopted.