Trigger - Music

I love music. Who doesn’t? Is there really anyone out there who doesn’t like music? When I first got my non-identifying information, I laughed so hard when I read that SinginInTheRain listed “music” as an interest. Who isn’t interested in music?  I really learned a lot about him from that statement...

It’s funny how music can be a huge trigger for me. I can be driving and “Dirty Little Secret” comes on the radio and just like that I’m angry, upset, and close to tears. Doesn’t matter who’s in the car with me, I want to punch something.  I actually have to watch my iPod shuffle now because this has happened at some bad moments.  Why not just take it off my iPod?  Because I can't.  It's a good song and it reminds me to be truthful. 

Some love songs tell of abandonment, and while it’s not what was intended, all I can think about is how I was abandoned not once, but twice by NeverTooLate.  Break up songs are the worse.  Breaking up sucks, but I argue that it’s even worse when the dumping is being done by the women who gave birth to you, the only person who can ever hold that position in your life.  I hate hearing songs like these.  They make me feel like I'm going to burst out in tears.  On a side note, when my friends go through hard break ups they like to tell me that because I'm in a good relationship I don't know what they are going through.  I don't know 100% what they are feeling, but I do know what it feels like to be hurt badly by someone who is supposed to love you.  These songs remind me of that.

Some songs have helped pull me out of a few funks I’ve been in.  Mostly these songs deal with standing up for yourself and what you believe in.  They remind me that I have to be true to myself, even if others are telling me that I don’t have the right.  It’s funny how I can even identify with music written about civil rights. I don’t have the right to my original birth certificate without a court order, something I will probably never get, something that most people take for granted.

Then there are songs that I've heard a million times before and they come on the radio and I hear the lyrics totally differently.  I hear different things in the song that I never heard before.  Now that I'm coming out of the fog and I'm in reunion, I hear different things that I never heard before.  I take different messages from these songs.  Sometimes I wish I could go back to hearing these songs the way I originally heard them.  Other times I'm glad for my new sense of clarity.

NeverTooLate and I listen to the same kind of music. SinginInTheRain and I differ very much. Our iPods probably have very few songs in common. However, music is important to me and that is something that we have in common, with each other and billions of other people out there too!