Truth Challenge: Day 4

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

This one isn’t as hard as the last truth challenge post. For the most part, I try to forgive people. I have had some people do some really crappy stuff to me in my life, and I’ve had to learn how to deal with that. I’ve learned how to forgive people and I think it’s a great strength of mine.

However, I am having a really hard time learning to forgive NeverTooLate for keeping me a secret and refusing to deal with me. I get that she’s stuck in the past and still living with the shame, but by refusing to acknowledge me, she’s putting that shame on me. She kept SinginInTheRain from me for nine months, and while I know that it is partially my fault for not getting in touch with him on my own sooner, it’s hard for me to forgive her.

Every time I think I’ve started to move on and I’ve started to forgive her, I hear a song on the radio that makes me think of her and I get really upset. Every time I reread an email where she tells me how happy she is that I got in touch with her and how much it means to her to know I’m ok, I get really upset. It’s getting upset like this that shows me that I really haven’t forgiven her.

I know that it’s the situation I should be mad at, but at some point, she needs to take responsibility for her actions. She needs to own up to her mistakes and deal with the shame and the fact that she gave me up. I think things would be so much easier for her if she did. I get that it’s hard, and I know that I have no real idea about what she went through, but it’s still hard for me sometimes.

It’s just a bad situation that is going to take me a long time to really sift through. I’m hoping that it doesn’t take a lifetime. I’m hoping she comes around eventually and will be willing to talk to me. I think that would make a huge difference.