Looking Back - Slowing Coming Out of the Fog

Looking back at the way I reacted to everything, it surprises me how ok I was with some of the reactions I’ve gotten over the past year.  I don’t know many people who are adopted.  When I was in elementary school we had a group for all the kids in my grade that were adopted but that ended with middle school.  I lost track of them because I wasn’t really dealing with things back then.

I went looking for resources on the internet.  I mean, what’s the point of the world wide web if you aren’t going to use it for information?  I started posting on some of the forums.  I learned pretty quickly that you have to take anything that you hear from them with a grain of salt.  I learned that there are a lot of people out there who make this who process out to be about either the adoptive parents or about the mother’s who gave up their children.  I’m sorry, but I disagree.  The CHILD is the an equally important part of this process called reunion and when it comes down to it, as much of a pain as it might be for NeverTooLate to start facing her issues, I’m not the bad guy here.  I have the right to have a say.

I had someone tell me that I needed to give her more time and that it was her decision about when to tell SinginInTheRain.  If SinginInTheRain was just her husband, that person would be correct.  But we all know that SinginInTheRain is not just her husband, but also my father.  Without him, there would be no me.  Therefore, I do have some say as to when he gets to find out about me.

Give it time a lot of people told me.  I get that.  I work faster than other people sometimes do.  There are people who have been in reunion far longer than I have.  But I’ve been waiting a really long time.  I’m never going to get that time back.  And I have been pretty patient for me.  But at some point, I’m going to get my answers.  I’m not willing to wait another 23 years for something else to happen.  I’m willing to wait a little while, but there is a definite end date on that time.  It happens to be years from now, but not 10 or 20.

I learned that you have to be careful what you read, but that there are people out there who get what I’m going through.  Their blogs make me laugh and cry.  They inspire me to keep going.  They keep me sane and they give me hope.  I’m a different person now than I was even a month ago.  I’m starting to see things more clearly now for the first time.  Things are starting to turn around for me and I know it.