My Pine Cone

I'm very proud of my pine cone
picture

I've been trying to figure out why I value pictures so much.  I can't figure out if it's an adoptee thing, or a "Jenn" thing.  It's driving me crazy, especially seeing as I've gotten into photography lately.  Not seriously, but I'm starting a new hobby.  It's fun and I'm working at it.  I read somewhere the best way to get better is to take pictures everyday.  I've been giving it an honest go.  Blogging started as a hobby, something I was skeptical about, but now a year later I still post once a day.  I have my lapses (cough July) but it's been working out so far really well.  So if blogging worked out, maybe photography will too.  I've only had my camera for two weeks and already I feel lost if I'm not holding it in my hands.  I see things differently these days; it's like I'm always looking for a good shot and I see them everywhere, even if I don't have my camera in my hands.  It's been driving me crazy trying to figure out why that is (I'm a need to know kind of person).

Part of it is that I'm a creative person.  You probably wouldn't know it looking at my blog but I used to be really into art.  I always took art classes in high school (and college too) and I actually know how to draw.  Maybe not people, but give me a pencil and I can make a mean sketch of that fruit over there.  I haven't been doing a lot of that lately.  Ever since I stopped taking classes, I've found that I don't take time to foster my creative side.  Even with dance.  I used to live for it, but now I barely have time.  My creativity has suffered, and I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.  So I'm trying to pull myself out by learning a new skill.  One that would be very helpful.  And great when it comes time to give gifts.  Can you say picture frames anyone?

Part of it is that I want to document things.  I want to document what I see, what I feel, and what is going on around me.  For too much of my life, I don't have that documentation.  My first two months are in the shadows.  The first baby picture I have is one they sent my parents to show what I looked like at two months old.  I'm not even looking at the camera.  It's a horrible picture, and I hate it.  I can't go back and recreate those pictures.  I'll never know what I looked like at a week, or a month, or two.  I'll never have a picture of my first Christmas.  There are no pictures that exist of me and my first mother because she refused to even look at me.  Wonderful huh?  But I can make sure that I have pictures from the rest of my life.  I can make sure that I can look back years from now and say, "See?  I was a person.  I existed.  And I lived."  I want my family to look back and see how many nice memories we made.  My latest group of pictures on Facebook came out really nice from the family wedding this weekend.  I know they appreciated it (they said so) and a few Christmas card pictures could potentially be used.  So that was pretty cool that I had documented that.

I took about twenty pictures of a pine cone last week.  Go figure.  But it finally came out the way I wanted it to.  It took patience.  It took practice.  And I couldn't give up on it.  And the best shot?  It was somewhere in the middle.  I had to go through each and every shot a few times to find it.  And it's not perfect.  I'm sure that if anyone reading is a serious photographer, they can see the flaws in the picture.  But that's ok.  It's a start.  I'm learning a lot, and not just about taking pictures.  I'm learning about life, and the best way to live it, aware of my surroundings and looking for the beauty in all things.